2005 - The Year That Was

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

A litttle less than 4 hours and it's ----2006!----

The best and the worst of 2005...

This year's summer saw me going off to Subic 3 times with various sets of friends. A community outing at Laguna. A sheepfold weekend at Canyon Woods and Cawayan Beach Cove in Tagaytay and Batangas. A praise and worship ministry retreat in Baguio. Sadly though, I didn't realize my dream trip to Korea.

Unni-chingu Louise was here though in September. I played host for one night, and we went out for dinner and coffee and a lot of chika at Cubao's newest hangout, Gateway.

Almost committed the biggest tragedy of my life -- falling in love -- during the third quarter of the year. Lucky me, I was able to bounce back, hmmm, bruised but none the worse for wear. Hmm, actually loving the single life. Here's a soju for that!

Cheers!

Got a crush on someone who turned out to be a good friend.

Got a female lovebird named after me -- er, Flame.

Playing "flirt" games with a shy boy who is mum upfront but very expressive (read: forward) thru SMS and phone calls. Was advised by several 'elders' that, for a woman, it is better to commit to a man who loves you more but who you don't really love, than to force your love to a man who doesn't give a fig for you...eventually, they say, a woman is more easily won over by love, sweetness, thoughtfulness, gentleness (and all the "ness" there is pa) and wooing of a man. A woman can kill for a man, but he'll never appreciate it really if he doesn't like her. --am I making sense here???

Anyway, was also busy attending dance practice for the weekend open retreat by Mo. Nadine of Omaha, USA held in November at the Meralco Theatre. Weekends since September, I picked up another ball to juggle - a masteral course in MPA. Good thing here - my classmates are fellow BSPers. My boss is also my groupmate.

Was also active in the BS Singers and was able to participate in our concert held in September. Earned a reputation for being "hyper". Earned the respect of SOME of my colleagues. This doesn't mean, however, that I can really sing. I just give a pretty good imatation of it. hahaha.

Missed my hubby, Jerry Yan's visit to Cebu in May. No, it was not because I've found replacements (my Oppas) but because I was too busy at the office to take a day off.

Took up baking again. And writing blogs.

An old, beloved friend texted me again, after 5 long years of "nothingness".

Earned my target savings!!!

Bought tech toys - a laptop (that proved to be my undoing when I broke the LCD) and a 4-Gig MP3 player.

Hmmm...now, what could my new year's resolutions be???

Santa Was Here

Ho Ho Ho!
It's Christmas! It's Christmas! Wake up everybody, it's Christmas!

This year, I was the one in need of waking up. The whole Tabamo clan was here some few hours ago for the annual Christmas reunion. And of course, what Tabamo clan reunion is complete without the FOOD, CHILDREN, NOISE, TONG-ITS and VIDEOKE? Sorry, no pictures...my cell phone is still with Semicon for repair.

Anyway, stayed hidden in my room most of the time due to allergies, headache and fear of being nagged about my lovelife. Some brat mouthed something about the possibility of me having an "it", but of course, aside from MSG and fans club and someone I refuse to talk about now, Lovelife is like the HARRY POTTER series - it's slow to unfold, keeps you in suspense and it's all make-believe. The rumors are actually somewhat correct, they got an existent guy. Correct name. But that's as far as everything goes. Yes, I like him. Yes, we did go out sometime. But no, we're not IT, and no, I don't think he'll ever pursue me. End of story.

On the MSG front, I pity the poor guy, but what's a girl to do? I've told him subtly before that we should be friends first and I don't think he's in love with me when he doesn't even know me that well. I've tolerated (!!) his text messages because they were innocent enough, forwarded messages that inspire and sometimes makes me laugh. The past couple of nights I began to wonder if he's into rugby or something...

"I love you, love you so very much!", "It's a sin to love you, forgive me!"...frightens me a lot...I dunno. I asked him "hoy, anong tinitira mo? Nakainom ka ba?" - joking, but it's half meant. Instead, he said he was serious and relieved that he, at last, was able to say it. He asked if he should stop feeling the way he does - short of asking me if he stood a chance. He implored me not to joke around. I told him, in the nicest way, that I don't think he knows me that well to love me, and I can't entertain him when I don't know him as well. I don't know if he gets my drift, but for now, ignoring his messages is all I can do to save us both the hassle.

Back to the Christmas front, I opened up all my presents. This time, I got a whole lotta kikay stuff...make-up case, make-up, vanity sets, lotion and manicure sets...and a very pink pink Elle-would-have-been-envious-of-me bath towel set. I can't imagine!

Ten Things I Learned While Mending a Broken Heart

10. You know there was a spark, and now it's gone, when all of a sudden you make it a point to ignore each other.

9. You know it's game over when all of a sudden, the most minute detail of his get-up irritates you.

8. You know the chemistry is gone when you can't catch the drift of his thoughts...you're already drifting asleep when he's talking.

7. You know you've lost the lovin' feeling when you don't even notice his presence...or absence.

6. You know there's no more rhyme when when he leaves you alone in a crowded place and you don't even mind...in fact, you go and find another date. (*evil laugh)

5. You know you are over him when you sit beside him and wish you're sitting next to somebody else.

4. You know it's a closed chapter when you see him with some other girl and think she's good for him.

3. You know you're done when you don't anymore stare at your cell phone willing it to ring/give you a message alert. You can even leave it behind.

2. You know the waltz is over when you don't dress up to impress him anymore.

1. I know it's a failure when I can't even begin to imagine what attracted me to him.

So...on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being totally over him, I can say I'm on my way to 9! Yebbbbaaahhhhh!

Let's Partyyyy!

Saturday. MMPA class cancelled. Yehey, I can now attend the dancers' practice for that evening's Christmas presentation. Unfortunately, Con2 didn't come early and I was feeling too sick to wait. She arrived 30 minutes after I left, and there was only Rose waiting. So, dance for the program was scrapped.

Or so I thought. During the program, we were told that we had to present something - cha cha, boogie, tango, whattever. It was Ballroom Dancing after all. So, to make life easier, Iyos, Rose and I agreed on - what else! The famouse PBB theme song Pinoy Big Brother. Seems like half the Filipino population is dancing it anyway. We just fused in some 60's steps and we were ready. We paired with the Liturgical boys Jowin, Ian Salvador (Ha ha ha, what ever happened to Jun Flores???) , Rhandy (si Aga daw???) and Tenpaul (Sam Melby in tight-fitting shirt). At least I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who felt silly.

It was really a blast, that party. For one, everyone got a prize, coz there were just so many! Santa came in a van and handed out packages...Randy and Paul each got a ham. Wahhh! And the much sought after package of Lace potato chips was won by Con.

Since my birthday (has been and gone) was last week, I was "forced" to give a blow out. At the end of the long discussion of where and how to get there, we ended up at Jowin and Kuchee's place. We bought beers and chips, gin and pizza and soda. Of course, inupakan namin ang ham ni Paul. We watched TV and talked showbiz. Expression for the week: Yuck. Say it with feelings, ala Jun. Hahaha. Iyos and Ella, Dennis and Myke went home at around 2 am, and Paul missed his stuff toys and went home after them. We who were left behind decided to call it a day and went to bed, share share sa kwarto boys and girls. Ang ingay ni Jun. All I can say is: Rhandy, you're evicted! Talo ka na ni Jun!

Woke up early, only to find that Con, Marc, Jun and Rhandy are all too flaked out to even flinch at all my noise. They woke up at around 9 am while I'm playing with Chino, Kuch's and Jowin's adorable baby (and my godchild). We said our goodbyes after breakfast and I got to go home by 11. Hay naku. I tried to catch some shut eye but I was too hyper so I went and bought baking ingredients and spent the whole day baking cookies. Yay, sana pagkakitaan ko ito no???

Anyway, I'm again babbling, mostly to take my mind off my gigantic headache. My body is still fighting flu and I'm worried about tomorrow's Christmas party. ..=(

Christmases Memories

Memorable Christmases/Holidays:

1. Spent in Saudi when I was 13 years old. Memorable because it was a Christmas I spent abroad. Instead of the noche buena of ham and pork dishes, we had chicken embutido (c/o Tita Loi), veal, beef and all sorts of fruits. We also got a generous allowance. Yey!! After that, I was almost kicked out of school because of the absences!

2. Christmas 1998. I was with Capitol Development Bank then, and the whole bank had a party sa Sound Stage, Cainta (??). For production number, we danced "Manila" and "Annie Batongbakal". Went to "The Zoo" afterwards where I tested the camaraderie of the AMG people.

3. Christmas 1999. From CBD, was transfered to RCBC Savings, Recto when RCBC acquired CBD. We had a party sa Coconut Palace and for production number, we did an interpretative dance reminiscing the Edsa Revolution. It was the corniest thing I ever participated in.

4. Christmas 2000. Was employed with MRT Edsa Line. Party at a parish church in Frisco. And for production number, I sang "Is It Okay If I Call You Mine" Fortunately, it was brown-out. Was also trying to impress a certain someone who thought I was in love with somebody else.

5. Christmas 2001. First Christmas at BSP...aside from having to sing solo, newbies had to dance. We did an N'Sync number...where during practices, I lost my temper...and earned my reputation.

"I'll be missing you come Christmas, missing hard my dear. Missing you come Christmas, wishing you were here"... NKOTB Song

Taym Awt!

Timeline Tag

10 years ago
A struggling math student...trying to make it din sa college newsletter and finally joining Thomasian Volunteer. Was also trying to get over a crush who got booted out of school. Regretted also having said a lightning-fast "no" to the first ever marriage proposal I got (from the crush I was trying to get over).

5 years ago
First christmas at BSP. Yay, was requested to sing solo. Sang "Ikaw", Sharon Cuneta version, in front of the Governor. Auditioned, and was accepted sa BSP Chorale, but had to back out at the last minute. First time in my life I gave out Guess for christmas gifts (sosi? I bought stuff because I liked the Guess paper bags...how silly can you get?)

A year ago
Wondering if this Christmas will be the same as all other christmases. Preparing for the SGS Christmas party. Hmm, practicing "H'wag na H'wag Mong Sasabihin" for the DER Christmas party.

Yesterday
Received a surprise text from someone in the past...someone I missed terribly. Set a future gimik. Sneezing my nose off. Lying on the couch having a massage while watching TV and waiting for mom to come home. Contemplating if I am hungry enough to merit a slice of chocolate cake.

Tomorrow
Office again. Hopefully, it won't smell of varnish and wood. Have also a chorale practice, so I have to remember to memorize lyrics and notes.

Today
Got excited about the upcoming office Christmas party. The group practice Papa Mon's newest "composition". Got dizzy updating two websites. Played as somebody's "angel". I do like being able to lift somebody's spirits up.

Tag, you're it: Anna, Eve, Irish and Beige.

Timeline Tag Preview

Was tagged by Ivy. And because I time to get my brain cells working, I'll post my stuff tomorrow...Hopefully.

Another Year Older

Birthday's been and gone, and I'm a year older, wiser and prettier (ha ha ha!) So much for birthday celebrations, the birthday entourage consisted of5 people and 2 dogs and 2 cats. Since I didn't want a party, I asked my mom if we could go and hear Holy Mass in the morning at an Immaculate Conception church. First choice was Project 8, but I went there two years ago. Last year, we visited IC in Malabon. So for this year, we went to IC in Tondo, but we got there a tad late and the next mass would be at 7 pm. So off we went to Tutuban. Moolah or none, there was still a shopping list to complete.

Anyway, spent the better part of the afternoon dozing around the house. Ordered for a big big 18" Yellow Cab pizza with the works, two side orders of chicken and sodas...Mom bought me a big Red Ribbon Black Forest cake and we had ourselves a grand dinner! Simpleng tao lang naman ako...masaya na ako dun! Yum.

The day was also spent answering birthday greetings. My cellphone got dizzy. However, of all the people who would miss greeting me...guess???!!! MSG. Hay naku. He did send me an SMS, but just an ordinary forwarded stuff. I finally texted him "Di mo ba ko babatiin? Birthday ko ngayon." Can just imagine how red he turned. Hahaha. Bad ko.

So, the next day, dun na ako naghanda for my officemates...I was still on official leave, but since we had classes in the evening, sabay reporting pa ng group namin with special guests from CHED...sinabay ko na. We had a Seaside party (shrimps, squid, fish, green mangoes and liempo) Yum. Sana laging ganito ang buhay...yun lang, magastos.

Up to now, I can't believe I'm this old. Golly, parang ancient! Nung prep ako, feeling ko, pag High school ka na, old ka na. Pag college mo, sobrang mature ka na. Pag nag wo-work ka na, pede ka na mag-asawa. Had I met Me then, I'd consider myself ancient. I therefore conclude, age is respective...it depends on where you're standing.

Early Birthday Gifts

Two days before THE DAY, I got to take home a whole Goldilocks' egg pie, c/o Richel. The whole group tormented him for a week to treat us to egg pie, and he obliged yesterday, and bought two. I know from experience that he would have taken home the other one, but the others were merciless and "forced" him to give it to me as birthday gift...actually, "panuhol" (bribe) for my mom. Errrr...

Today, the V ladies, Michelle, Jed and Cherrie, with Angel girl Raquel in tow, dropped by to give me a present. =) It was a pleasant albeit awkward surprise as I haven't been on friendly talking terms with some of them. But to make a long long story short, all's forgiven and forgotten (and here I was thinking I am not so forgiving and have a memory like a camel's). Richel took pictures, and here we are...

Striking a pose...

And the winner gift? Mother Nature sent me colds and a mild fever today. Mother Nature has a sense of humor...on a one-day leave, and I have to spend it resting!

Santa Claus is coming to town!

Last Sunday, Mom and I trooped to famous Divisoria so I can start my Christmas shopping. This is about the first time in my entire gift-giving career (I started when I got a job) that I am cramming for Christmas. Usually, I start buying gifts as early as September and by first week of December, the gifts are all wrapped up and ready to go.

Well, six hours (two of which were spent in hideous traffic) , four muddy feet and a migraine later, I have at least partially completed my shopping.

Fortunately, I didn't bring a whole lotta moolah because I would've spent it buying MY stuff. As it is, the first purchases were a skirt, belt and accessories - for me! Needed some self-control there to look away when something I like comes to view...

Anyway, the whole evening was spent wrapping up the gifts. I helped out with my parent's stuff since dad, who is the gift-wrapping pro, can't do it anymor with his bad back. So there, all nice and ready for delivery...Still have to drop by the malls to get presents for my godchildren!

The Problem with Shy Guy

So okay. Nagpilit akong pumunta sa first Friday mass because I told Mr. Shy Guy that rather than going to mass on Sunday, I'd prefer we get to meet formally during the fellowship. Plus, since it's also my birthmonth, Randy and I agreed to share sa "blow-out" para mas tipid.

The turn-out of events were nothing close to my expectations. I dressed up pa man din (naks, sa wakas, I got the nerve to wear a bright yellow bolero!) for the occassion...First, wala ang school bus namin. No Jowin and Kuchee = No transportation.

And because it was fellowship Friday, people get to mill around and chat. So I chatted around with the guys. Mr. Shy Guy (MSG) stuck to his corner like it was his salvation. I waited for him to at least come nearer our group, but when Marc called him, ayun. He turned tail (again!) and ran away. Marc was laughing, kasi sobrang nervous na daw nung tao, nanginginig na siguro ang tuhod. Yikes. Do I look like Lord Voldemort??? I thought he'd gone home, but when I got into the car, he was standing outside, sa isang sulok ng mundo. I rolled down the window to wave to some people, and when we passed by him, he rubbed his face, and looked like he was giving me a little goodbye wave. The guy needs a big dose of confidence. Unfortunately, I am not one to give it. Tsk tsk.

Today was also the BSP Idol Finals. Sorry kay Laurence...He was good, kaya lang, di talaga inabot. In fairness to the winner, she really delivered. She aimed to win. She prepared long and hard (it's her second time to join-last year di sya nakapasok sa finals). She deserved to win. Hay, ako kaya, ever, magkaka guts mag-join? Hmm, thinking of my pang-o-o-cry kanina...di na lang. Baka gantihan ako. Hehehe.

I missed going out with the TEC babes. Mom wanted me to go home early because I've been complaining of exhaustion, palpitation and lack of appetite. My annual medical exam results were not very good. I think my body recognizes it's not anymore that of a teen's. Its's telling me to STOP. But then, I have school tomorrow, and a major report to prepare. I can't afford to rest.

Birthday blues

Lanie gave birth yesterday to her second child, Zach. So, naturally, those of us who are available, trooped to the UST Hospital to make uzi. Zach, is of course, a beautiful baby! Big brother Zoie was singing "sunshine, you are my sunshine/You make me happy when skies are gray..." while we were viewing Zach. Made us go "ayyy, ang sweet naman ni Zoie."

Made me think of the "cloudy" future. Well, am still in doubt whether I want to get married, but I'm pretty sure I want to have kids-natural or adopted. Jing is pretty much against adoption, but Weng and I are for it. Quite natural for Weng, she's a pediatrician. I told them marriage is not a guarantee for companionship, since companionship just sums up the reason why I wanna get married anyway. However, I stressed that even if I don't achieve Marital Bliss, I would, at least, like to experience The One Great Passion. You know, the stuff cheesy, corny, tear-jerker movies are made of. Think Wuthering Heights, A Moment to Remember, and Jude Deveraux novels.

It must be because in a week's time, I'll be turning a year older and not in the least bit in a hurry to exit Singledom. Wedding bells aren't ringing yet, to the disappointment of my family, relatives and friends.

FLAME

Just as quickly as the spark caused the blaze, so the feelings now dies on its own, leaving in its wake charred memories. It was nothing out of the ordinary, no event to celebrate nor a tragedy to dismiss. It has served its purpose - provided warmth or caused a destruction. It is both friend and fiend, welcomed and feared. The source itself remains unconcerned, vaguely unaffected. It continues to burn, by itself, uncaring.

Like me. I am, afterall, Flame.

Confessions of a Fickle Mind 01

I know it was my fault. I only wanted to test the waters, not actually jump in. I had no intension of hurting anybody's feeling. I didn't know he'd misread my gestures, or see too much in them. I know sometimes being friendly can be misunderstood as "interested", but it's not so with me. Now, I am sorry that I put on the charms and was actually nice (rare times in my life) when I am not even in the least bit interested.

Am I bad or what?

Batang pumapasok ng lashing

At 4:20, ngayon pa lang ako naglu-lunch. Pano, the entire day eh parang iduduwal ko ang contents ng aking stomach. Wahhh! I'm the one in-charge of ordering lunch for the whole class, and we have Jollibee again...super meal.

Last night kasi, the group celebrated Ms. M's birthday at Bagaberde. Ayun, nasobrahan sa vodka at zombie (I think I drank the contents of one whole pitcher!). Did not get drunk as in susuray-suray drunk, but did wake up with a head ache the size of China. Spent an hour forcing myself to puke, as per experience, this would relieve me of my hang-over. However, since I ate a small dinner, I had nothing in my tummy but the tea I've been sipping for breakfast. Told my mom I have a migraine and she advised me to stay at home and rest. But being me...I went ahead and got to class a bit late (had to drop by Shopwise to buy a few packs of biscuits and styrocups). Ayun. During a break, Prof. made me sing...Papa Mon, of course, was guitarist. Sana hindi ako ibagsak ni Prof!

Now, nag calm down na ang tummy ko. Puro ako biscuit the whole day, and a small bar of chocolate to get my sugar up. Survived naman. Hay, I resolve never to get drunk again...if I have classes the next day...hahaha

This incident brought to mind the last time I got a hangover...sa Baguio, when the Youth Ministry got merry with two big bottles of tequila. I had to stay in bed the entire day while the rest of the gang went around Baguio. Plus, I had to suffer the gentle "sermons" of our Servant Leaders...Fortunately, they were more compassionate than mad, and I got extra TLC from them. BUT, on the way down to Manila, I had to keep my head inside a big black garbage bag to keep one measly apple digested. Ha ha ha. Buti na lang, sila Marc at Topet lang kasama ko dun sa van...Di masyadong nakakahiya kasi extended family.

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I'm not anymore finding "Fans Club" entertaining. Actually, I'm more scared now...not for my life or something. It's just weird. I don't know what to do with him. His messages are beginning to bother me. But I can't do anything drastic because he is a friend as well...and I think he doesn't mean me any harm.

Coo Coo

Someone named one-half of a pair of lovebirds after me. He asked me if it's okay, he just bought the pair. I told him Dhing isn't a feminine name, so he could use Flame, my personal symbol. (I'm a Saggy, Dragon year - both fire signs). Ayun. Hope the African Lovebird turns out fine...I read up on the Net about African Lovebirds, just so I'd know what kind of animal shares my name.

Here's something about Flame:




Lovebirds are social, noisy birds that emit a high pitched and sometimes annoying chirp. They are constant chatterers and noise is a sign of contentment. The Peachfaced is particularly outgoing, even aggressive, and is often territorial. This species is not suitable for life in a colony, unless lots of space is provided, as birds may attack each other viciously. However, the Peachfaced's outgoing personality makes it well suited to human contact and often means they make better pets then other lovebird species. As long as Peachfaced birds are given regular attention and interaction with an owner they can be kept individually or as pairs in cages inside the house. Hand-raised birds make particularly good pets. The eye-ring species do better in an aviary as they are happier in colonies and different eye-ring species can even be kept together providing they are not allowed to breed. Like most parrots, lovebirds are reasonably intelligent and can be excellent escape artists so they need a secure cage. They also like to chew and must always have something to nibble on such as non toxic and untreated pieces of wood, cuttlefish or bamboo.

Swak daw sa personality ko. Maingay, annoying...territorial...vicious. So dapat, ipagdasal ang lalaking lovebird! Nya ha ha ha. *Evil laugh*

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Bad trip sa Sunday night, imbes na at home and relaxed ako, I need to go to the office to upload some press releases. Super kainis, kasi it's not as if the Philippine economy will die if those PRs are not posted...Hmmp. Buti na lang, love ko boss ko. Ska sya din, papasok sya sa Monday. Ngayon, since nag aaya si Mr. Shy Guy ng simba ng Sunday, bakit di ko kaya ayain ito para di naman nakakatakot magtrabaho? Hitting two birds with one stone!

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Lagi ko naririnig tong kanta na to...lalo na pag gabi. Medyo may Last Song Syndrome factor ito, at medyo tumatama rin...This is the funny part of the song, yung "daldal" portion.

Mahal kita pero di mo lang alam

Hindi mo alam kasi hindi mo naman ako tinitignan

Ayaw mo naman itanong sakin kasi baka nga naman hindi naman ikaw

At hindi ko rin naman sayo sasabihin kasi ayoko pa sa ngayon na manligaw

Mahal kita pero hindi nga lang halataHindi halata kasi wala naman akong ginagawa

Hindi ako kumikibo hindi ako nagsasalita WALA

Pero hindi ako TORPE

Hindi ko lang talaga masabi sayo ng harapan

Mahal kita pero dehins mo pa rin ramdam

Hindi mo ko titignan di rin kita titgnan

Lagi mo lang akong pakikiramdaman lagi rin kitang pakikiramdaman

At araw araw tayong magdededmahan

Hanggang sa tayo ay magkabistuhan

Pero ngayong malapit nang matapos ang kanta ko

Nais kong magkaalaman na

Nais kong ako na rin ang magsabi sayo ng harapan

Kasi alam kong doon din naman ang tuloy nyan

At dalawa din lang naman ang posibleng sagot dyan oo o hindi

Kaya eto na sasabihin ko na para matapos na

At hindi na magka-tsismisan pa

Sasabihin ko na para wala nang problema

At para hindi na rin kayong lahat nabibitin pa

Asteg. Kung sana'y naririnig lang ito ng isang boylet...hahaha.

Goodnight

I'm surfing friendster again...sigh, because I've been long absent from the friendster scene. I forgot I've received many messages and requests. Hay naku, so meron pa ring paramihan-ng-friends-sa-friendster contest! Naka-ka miss din pala ang friendster...At may pakulo pa pala ito na pede mo makita sino nagvi-view ng profile mo!

Anyway, still pretty upbeat and hyper because I just came home from a "singing engagement"...The BS Singers were invited to sing 4 Filipino songs for the SEACEN dinner...of course, tatanggi ba kami? Pagkain lang katapat namin, wehehe. Ayun, twice ako nag dinner. Bad! I really have to go on a diet...BTW, anemic pala ako, as per result ng medical ko. Ay yay! For an anemic, ako ay healthy-looking...Mag gi-gym na ako, promise! Hanap lang me ng time. Feeling ko, talo ko pa nag ta-taebo pag nag pa-panic ako eh.

Hmmm, the one I was expecting to text did not. While the "fans club" was good text mate, kahit na paano. I feel bad...I think I should not reply na lang, kesa akalain niya...Ay ang gulo ko! Basta yun. Nakaka aliw na some people appreciate you. Ego trip ba? Shef, sobrang bad ko talaga.

Sabi ng officemate ko at ilang friends I'm just playing....but don't we all?

Updates...

Egad! Christmas is one month away! I still haven't started on my Christmas shopping...haven't got a list yet, or a budget! Pede bang IOUs muna issue ko, wehehehe? I've been planning to go to Divisoria (ang cheapskate???Kaw kaya maging government employee with an army of godchildren!) to buy stuff. But the Christmas spirit seems pretty lazy. Or maybe, EVAT killed it.

It's gonna be another lonely Christmas. Malamig talaga. Hahaha. Walang human blanket! Sheeze!

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Went to Tita Ester's funeral last night. Fr. Mario's sermon shook me up a little. How sad it would be to die alone, with no family or friend beside you. How lonely to live just waiting for the journey to end...This is one reason why, even if Single Blessedness rings merrily, I'm having second thoughts. Dying alone. No one to take care of me...But then, Wedded Bliss is no guarantee either.

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PS: I now have a "fans club". Sheeze!

Pigeonholes

Somebody told me stories of Mr. Shy Guy last night…and all I can say is that it makes me uneasy because there’s too much on his plate and nothing on mine. My friend was saying how nice and shy he is, but he did agree with me that it’s quite impossible given our backgrounds…Again, I repeat, it’s not because I think low of him, because I have yet to really get to know him, but because I know I will have to submit myself to the scrutiny of society. We might be in the 21st century, and I might be the modern woman, but my family and values are very much traditional.

Was able to surf friendster again last night…and boy, did I get so many revelations! I must admit I’ve become pretty “snobbish” as I got older. Papa Mon would even scold me “Ayan ka na naman, Dhing, nag ge-generalize ka na naman eh.” I got this pigeonholes for people and last night, I found out how wrong I had been with so many of them. Ay, palya na naman ang aking people skills! Tama si Rene.

So I’m keeping my mind open, my heart more forgiving. I need to see more of the world to know my “pigeonhole” needs a little remodeling. =)

Shopping et al

Planned to watch Harry Potter yesterday with dong saeng, but the lines in all 4 cinemas at SM were scary...so we ended up shopping. Brought some dough, but since Mastercard has a 1% rebate parang ang laki! sus!), my card got the special treatment yesterday...And now, I have to keep it chained and locked because ... I think I maxed it out... (liit kasi ng credit limit eh hahaha) Bought two pairs of shoes, two pairs of denims for myself. Two pairs of denim and a pair of shoes for Gie (which I'll take out of her allowance - yikes, para akong mommy!) and a pair of sandals for Mom. Wasn't able to buy anything for dad, but will look at Superman shirts at SM Harrison today. =) Now, even if I wanted to start Christmas shopping, it would have to wait til next pay day...which is...TOMORROW! yehey! I love weekly paydays!

I love shopping. Now...shopping and spending are two different things. I like to look around, but I have a hard time deciding on what I like because I have this definite, specific thing in my mind, and when it's not met, I'd pass up the good finds...Ehem, sounds like my lovelife, eh? Anyways, my relatives accuse me of being "kuripot" (tightwad!) but it's not so. I splurge on what I like (good food, videoke, travel, shoes, books and knick knacks) and skimp on the blah necessities.

Anyway, my dongsaeng told me I am very discriminating (told her about Mr. Shy Guy) and that I should give "people" a chance. I'm still very wary, after all, even if I'm playing games, it's not without a price. I don't want them to get the wrong idea (vs. what I always do, damn it!) and hurt them.

Mr. Shy Guy called yesterday and asked if I've already heard mass..and I had to lie through my teeth and tell him I'm hearing mass with my family (which would actually be true any given Sunday) and he sounded a little disappointed. I don't think I'm willing (yet) to give him that chance. Told him we could chat on first Friday of December, though. Sigh.

Incidentally, I was cleaning up my drawers yesterday and got hold of my diaries. One was missing - the one with all my beautiful memories of APA - post debut. I read the old diaries and laughed at how immature we were even during college days. How excited I got when he scrubbed my hands during lab class (my barkadas were so kilig when I told them this). How frustrated I was when we were not on talking terms. How happy I was when he would call and we'd exchange corny jokes, even if I'd get scolded for telebabad. I read our conversation about dying before he reached 25 years old, and got goosebumps...because he died before he reached his 25th year. I remembered the time he (jokingly) asked me to marry him (Will you marry me, my sweet sexy darling housewife?) over the phone and I answered no ("because we're still too young" I replied to his "why?"). Life has certainly brought me lots of surprises, a few of them beautiful and a few of them regrettable...I wonder where we'd be if I had answered "yes"...

I regret that I'm missing that one diary...where could it be? Sometimes, memories are all we have of dear old friends...We might have burned bridges we've crossed, but we could always keep the ashes.

Dancers' Pic at the retreat

La lang. Just scanned this today. =) From left to right: Emelyn, Irish, Geneva, Jambo, Ronald, Joel, Lolo Meong, Meeh, Iyos.

Cute namen. He he. Taken last Nov. 12 at the Meralco Theatre, after the afternoon Praise and Worhsip session, and we can change clothes and relax. Truth be told, the whole day, we couldn't afford to drink plenty of liquids because it was too troublesome to pee (belt, dress, camisa and half slip, leotards, tights and finally, underwear...)

Hmm, beginning to miss Sunday practices...

BSP Idol

Probably got asked this for the hundredth time today:

Why didn't you join the BSP Idol? (Bakit 'di ka sumali sa BSP Idol?)*

And this is my final answer: Because I can't sing, darn it! He he he... of course, choir singing is a million stone's throw away from pop/solo singing.

My other excuses:

1. I still have my self-preservation instincts. I firmly believe in the golden rule. I am numero uno pintasera. 1=1.

2. It would be grossly unfair to others for me to join. With my extensive background and experience in singing....la la la...walang kokontra. This is my blog.

3. Stage fright. I have all species of butterflies breeding in my stomach during performances (Numero uno truth)

4. I'm too busy to practice (big truth)

5. I'm a better dancer than I am a singer (which is actually true, but I'll never be as goos as Iyos)

6. The price money ain't worth my time (yep, and all the kaba in the world)

Bruises

Went to have my annual medical check-up at Manila Doctors' last Tuesday morning. Routine lab tests, x-rays... Am not really scared of needles, but it's never going to be a favorite event either. Surprisingly, after a day, my arm have purple and green marks...and the area got bigger today. Hmm...hurts a bit.

Phone was busy today. Pretty lots of text messages...Mr. Shy Guy even called to tell me he's going to Laguna, then later to Baguio due to a change of plans. More hmmm.

Wanna go home early. Have to finish watching Kim Sam Soon. Doubt if I could stay awake, though. Past nights' been spent partying. I thought after Mo. Nadine's retreat, I would get a little more shut eye. I'm embarrassed that I have to take cat naps in front of my boss during lunchtimes. Can't be helped. If I don't, I'd end up slobbering myself on the gallon of ice cream I'm eating.

Anyways, am leaving for home now. Ciao!

Forgiven, Forgotten...The Youth Ministry

Went to Luke's despedida party last night. He's leaving for Texas, US of A on Friday. I think, despite all that happened, he's still one of my good friends from community.

All's forgiven and forgotten. Sometimes, we'd slip and joke about "our quarrel" but I'd always say that I just got caught in the middle, being friends with them both (the parties involved)...and now, I don't even want to get in between anymore. It was quite stressful because I understand both their situation.

So last night, before we said our final "bon voyage, pakabakit ka dun!" speeches to Luke, we remembered the good old days, and what Luke would miss when he goes abroad.

One of the things I definitely miss, I remember while we were reminiscing last night, was the "gimik" nights after PM and we'd go have dinner and some beers. He he he. As Luke kindly reminded me, I outdrank him several times. I think anyone who could get past the two bottle mark can out-drink Luke.

How time has flown! Now, PM nights are marked with the rush to go home because we have classes the next morning. We've outgrown our naughty (read: ice down my back during a welcome party for Mo. Nadine) ways and our late nights. We've separated ways, with some flying off to other countries in search of greener pastures, others have married and started their own families. The few of us who remained un-attached (ha ha ha!) and committed to our ministries are too busy to tend to the younger sheep. The Youth Ministry is long gone.

So Luke...bon voyage...it's a new chapter in your life (what a cliche!). Pakabait ka dun! Tawag ka lang next week, pag nasa Pinas ka na ulit, dahil na deport ka! Wehehehe.

The Return of the ME

I'm back!!!

But can't post much. The stories would have to wait until tomorrow, when I get my thoughts organized, and I have longer access to the Net. Currently, the whole block where I live has no access to telephone because some freak stole cable lines...as per PLDT. Duh!

So I'm here at the office, even if I'm on official leave, so I can post some stuff which are due today. I was here also yesterday, to take our TPPA exam (which I failed miserably!) and to get my referral for my annual medical exam. Today, I attended choir practice, as well. Later, tonight, would be Mo. Nadine's farewell party. Have to wear Filipiniana attire...wait til you see my pic.. definitely comedy!

So there. I miss blogging.

Forgive and forget. Move on and be happy. Live hard, play hard. Even if my lovelife's on the slump (hahaha), I am currently very happy.

Reflections on Kim Sam Soon

Yehhhheeeyyyy!

Today is my last working day for the week! I'll be on leave tomorrow until Tuesday for the Mo. Nadine retreat and then some rest!

But then again, I may have to report for work on Tuesday to upload some files and attend choir practice. Hmmm...Anyways, at least I'll be able to snuggle in bed until past 6 am. =)

I'm watching Nae Ireum Kim Sam Soon (My Name Is Kim Sam Soon) and it's wonderful. I definitely feel like Sam Soon...a bit overweight and unsure of my career objectives even if I am good at what I do. I laugh at some of her fantasies, but can well identify with her "sentiments". We both have "funny" names we'd like to change, in our late 20s and pressured to marry, and that curly hair!!! Now I know why chingu Louise liked it very much.

It occured to me, as I re-run the episodes in my mind, how forgiving she could be...and maybe that's where I separate myself from her (parang iisa lang kami noh???)I have not been so forgiving of people, even myself...I've let go and moved on, and too fast at that, but I've never really forgiven. The "loves" in my life were remembered with slight bitterness and doubts.

And it's time, maybe, to burn the bridges I've crossed.

Animals

Here are some of my favorite pics of animals. I took them myself! They are soooo cute!

ostrich at the Residence Zoo sa Tagaytay

Si Kim from the same Zoo...at seven months, playful pa rin sya!

Pinatulan to ng ate ko...ng dahil sa isang bracelet

Ay penguin! Ang cute nya! Sa Penguin Show sa Harrison Plaza

Nanay ata ito ni Kim, sa Residence Zoo din...


When a man commits evil, why do we call him "ANIMAL"? Animals kill to eat and survive. They hunt their prey not out of hatred or malice but instict. It is unfair to animals to be likened to humans.

Anger

I'm so angry that I can't think of anything to write about, and yet, all the emotions are there. When I think about it, I want to just get out and look for that man and kick his groin for what he has done to someone I know. Thinking about how helpless and weak we could be adds salt to the injury. That we had to compromise big time to be able to lessen the impact on the victim. That by asking for justice, the victim has to suffer more. It is so blasted unfair!

A little more

A little more patience. Five more days to go. Five more sleepless nights. Just a teeny more bit of aches...and then all will be back to normal- hopefully.

Spent the long weekend, again, working on our TPPA reports, rushing to practices and trying to (note: try) do some house chores now that the laundry is piling up. (I therefore conclude: you wash your clothes, don't iron them, and when you wear them, they iron themselves out after an hour or so..try it!) My thumb and pointing finger are both broken and swelling because of practices.

Yesterday, I went home feeling so tired I just want to curl up and sleep like Rip. Iyos and I were sharing how we'd like to just and stare into space for one hour. As I was walking to church, I was asking God to give me more strength, some more energy just to get to mass. If not for Him, I don't know where I'd draw my strength.

I got so impatient with one of the dancers yesterday, but one thing that kept me going was seeing the rest of the dancers so eager and tireless. I saw how the banner boys put their hearts into what they were doing, that even I don't have the heart to ask them to practice more. I saw how excited the new dancers were with their dresses, the ribbons and their own dances, that my doubts melted.

One thing that I learned from all these (the practice-til-you-drop-dead sessions, P&W-have-modified-yet-again-the-line-up, she's-late-again people) is that I can't judge people by what I see. Sure, we all say "Don't judge a book by it's cover", but I always have this "Stop! No Entry" sign with new people. As I bonded with Meong, Ronald and Randy over keema, shawarma and memory gap-inducing korma last Saturday evening after banner practice, I got to know them better. (Actually, Randy and have been friends for years na, so I was able to share with him my latest kakikayan escapade...naka save on beer!) Nakakatuwa nga si Lolo Meong, eh.

Now, I'm one of the ates of the group. And I feel so proud of my brood.

Of friends and ghosts...down memory lane

There are only two people here at our side of the building...me and PM (Papa Mon, my boss). We'er doing our report for tomorrow's TPPA class, and since I won't be able to attend classes on the 12th, I'm going all out in the preparations...to the point that I'm missing dance practice with the choir.

I miss the choir (P&W). But lately, I'm having second thoughts about pursuing it. For one, I have classes on Saturdays and it's a struggle to be on time for formal lessons with Bro. Rannie. Second, even if I arrive late, I have to catch up and by that time, I'm mighty tired already. Third, I think the dance ministry needs me more. Iyos, too, is trying to balance work, dance and studies, and I want to fulfill my end if just to lighten her burden a bit. I'm beginning to enjoy dancing again, even if at the end of the day, we worry so much about our clothes, making mistakes, my big thighs (hahaha!), our hair. Sometimes, I marvel at how long my thread of patience has become. Now, I am able to wait on tardy people. Can give them a smile, even. I can truly appreciate how hard the new comers are working to catch up. I admire the "banner boys" who are always there, even if they are too tired. I've tried the banners and man! I have to rest my wrists, wrap them up in chili plasters, for two days! I appreciate Mommy Auxie and Uncle Randy...

Fourth...(yes, there's a long list) it's going to be mighty lonely for me at practices, with Giselle flying to the States soon and Paul getting the "out" sign. Giselle is one of my closests friends, in and out of the choir, while Paul is my closest male friend in the community. The reason I bear the long practices well is because I can make chikka with them, and after a while, go have some gimiks. Paul, especially, who never gets pikon even when I call him "B".

I miss my true, old friends. The ones I thought were my friends proved to be...never mind. I've always believed in the golden rule...do unto others blah blah. But I think some believe in just taking...I'm tired of waiting for them, and making excuses for their indifference.

Now, I appreciate my old grade/highschool buddies, my SGS friends, my TEC co-moderators, my chingu Louis. There might be times I'm too busy to be with them, but they always show appreciation for each other's presence. I might be eccentric, loud, weird, funny, mataray, domineering, arrogant, bitchy and impossible to get along with, but they've accepted me the way I am. Thanks, guys, for being such wonderful people.

I'm thinking of going back and visiting old friends...I hope I can contact my CDB/RCBC friends again..(Mama Tess! Erssy cola! Alex! Che and Jamie) my MRT tropa (best friend Jopet, bestfriend Jen, Miriam at kahit na si Dingdong na ...)Mga dating YM ng SGS...Saan na kayong lahat???My college barkada (Liza, George, Aleli, Josette, Eileen, Jen, Jeni...) and ActSci co-geniuses (?? Myra, Mia, Emelyn, She, Erna, Hans and - Rene - kahit sinabihan mo ko na walang people skills)

Now I regret not having enough time for them; regret being too self-preoccupied and snappy. Regret that I didn't want to be makulet, wanting to have so much space to move around. I miss my true friends.

If I sound so dramatic, sorry po. Tao lang. Na-miss ko mag-emote sa CR bago maligo dahil last night, may spiritistang nag punta sa bahay. Though I've always known na may spirits sa bahay, having it confirmed is scary. Kasi dati, feeling ko, baliw lang ako. Pero sabihin bang may third eye ako!? Yikes. At sa lahat naman ng lugar kung saan merong nakalibing na bata, sa may malapit pa sa kwarto ko...sa may bintana ko pa! Kaya pala yung maid, may katabing asin at bigas sa pagtulog...kulang na lang, magsabit ng bawang sa katawan. Fortunately, di naman sila interested magpakita...kaya kanina, instead of acting-acting pa sa harap ng salamin sa CR, diretso ligo na ako. Baka may maki-sabat sa dialogues ko eh.

Mixed Nuts

Am I still alive? I guess so...Hurling myself from the 18th floor seems a bad idea, since I still plan on getting hitched and having a dozen kids in the near future...hehehe. Death by paranoia, madness and stupidity is not a way to go...

Anyway, got a standing date for the first Sunday of December with Mr. Shy Guy. Out of madness, I decided to entertain for a while...I just don't know how to not break his heart. He seem genuinely kind and sincere. But he's just not it. Don't ask me about the "it" part. I'm just so easy to please that at the slightest act of good deed, I keel over. Experience has taught me that it doesn't work that way. No more nice guys for me...Sabi ko nman kasi, dapat sa akin yung siga din!

I think I need a one-month vacation...to Timbuktu or somewhere remote. No cellphones to answer or wait for, no dance to worry about, no dogs to take care of, no work to hassle me, no one who knows or cares a fig about me... I need some growing up.

I'm turning 29 in a few weeks' time. It's going to be 11 years since my debut..my coming of age (suppose to be...) I wish I could turn back time and celebrate YOUTH once more. It's not as complicated when I look at it from my perspective now. Then, I only had to worry about APA showing up for the 17th dance...and the rest of the gang showing up in decent attire! Wahhh! I miss being young. I think I need to go over my diaries tonight...Speaking of which, I still have a promise to fulfill. When APA died five years ago, I promised to "publish" a portion of my diary that featured his life. But I haven't got the time (and courage) to go public with it. Reading it makes me wanna cry all over again. If only...

Baliw...Sino?? Ako! Ako??? Hindi ako Baliw!

At ayun. Panic to the max nung nalaman ko...(yung interesado, paki tanong nalang si Patty!) When I learned about my foolish, stupid, idiotic, bendan mistake...I called up Patty, wanting to cry and laugh and hurl myself out the window. Ha ha at ha. Sobrang stupid mistake, one which could win an award dun sa mga blooper sa mga teen mags. Shocks, talk about miserable fools! Ayt, one's me.

Okay, shut up about that already. Nothing quite beats the sickness than an electric shock, huh?

Anyway, latest developments on Mr. Shy Guy...I think the long road to goodbye is still ahead...but do I really need to say goodbye as in now? Ha ha ha. In fairness, sweet talaga ang totoy.

Latest text nya..."Miz ding, u com 2 my senses everytime i cloze my eyes! we'r so semed so aloaf distant kci, n i hav no guts to talk 2 u personaly! Tinkin of u myx me fel gud. It's admiration maybe. 4give me mis ding?"

Ay yay, mali mali man ang ingles nya (aloaf???of bread?!...) at na ngopya man sya ng text ... still, it's nice to know you're appreciated...Ha ha ha. I can almost hear L.A. Lopez sing "Ikaw ay nagbalik...at muli kang nasilayan...Mag-iodized salt, mag iodized salt, mag iodized salt tayo..." We he. Lukaret na talaga ako. I think. Hmmm...

Speaking of "I Think", my cousin Kaye likes this song from Full House, too. I think there's another Rain/Bi fan in the making. My godchild CD and cousin Aureen also likes Ni Yao De Ai from Meteor Garden. Discovered these facts while listening to my MP3 player as we celebrated All Saints/Souls Day sa cementery. Little CD and Aureen were making up "chinese" lyrics of Ni Yao De Ai. Aureen once insisted on viewing my entire Jerry Yan collection...even listening to Jerry's album. I gave her some of my treasured posters. Jerry honey, if you're reading this, you gotta send me more, okay?

So there. My day's ending, and here's Mr. Shy Guy asking me to forgive him (for the nth time) for admiring a special person such as me. Ang haba ng buhok ng lola nyo...I texted him back, saying "what's to forgive? In truth, nakaka touch nga. It's nice to feel appreciated."...Ayun, basta sorry for admiring me. Sige na nga, ang kaparusahan, pede wag na magsorry??? I have a hunch as to why he suddenly resurrected...One of the dancers, his neighbor/friend, is texting me. Nothing sorta kinda like that (ay yay, pangit pakinggan ang kaartehan), just thanking me for the birthday lunch we girls gave him...basta, sabay sila nag te-text!

Anyway...pagod na ako. Gusto ko na matulog. I'm down and out and feeling so low...Buti nalang, Byron from IT gave me a chocolate treat kapalit ng pang-aasar nya, kaya buhay ang aking senses. Hmm...I think I wanna buy some Energy bars...Ciao!

LOOOOONG WEEKEND

Super long weekend...for those lucky enough.

Me? Nah. Got a one-day rest, which I spent doing our report for TPPA class.

Saturday - classes and practice 'til 10 p.m. Sunday, practice from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday, practice again from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Went to cementery and slept there overnight. Tuesday, grabbed enough sleep to keep awake for the rest of the day. Then bath and off to the vet to get Rajeeve. (He was confined for two days...sob sob sob, missed him so much! - ala Sey ng PBB - YUUUUUUCKKKK!) The whole afternoon was spent reading and typing my notes on fiscal administration (it's not as boring as it sounds) and then ironed some of my clothes (because I don't know where they went, my closets are empty, so is the laundry!)

Anyway, at least I was able to get some rest...even the few hours lying in bed is bliss. =) Got so much on my mind, and it's a treat to be able to just stare at a blank wall and let my thoughts go fly fly fly...

Got a surprise yesterday when Mr. Shy Guy called. I was sleeping and the sound of Noon Eh Kkot (my ringtone) woke me up. Didn't even bother to check who was calling, so I got a shock when I asked who the caller was and it's Mr. Shy Guy. (Incidentally, his name is also J) For the nth time, he apologized for not going to the concert, asked if I was resting, musta mga practices, blah blah. Must have cost him some pretty pennies, compared to his "credit-limited" text messages. Hay naku...di lang pala mga multo nagpaparamdam kapag araw ng patay. Ha ha ha!

Ayun. Boring weekend. The retreat is on 12 - 13 November. Medyo malapit na, and I still hav tons of things to do. Tassels, tamborines, ballet shoes! Hay, I need another 12 hours in a day!

Got the dancers' schedule of practices with the P&W ministry and Worship leaders for the next two weeks until the retreat. And for a while, I could only stare and count the free hours I would be able to grab sleep or do some personal errands. The practices, coupled with school demands (a reaction paper every week plus a case report on the 5th), would tie-up my weekends and sem-break holidays. Wahhhh! Parang gusto ko nang mag drop-out sa classes talaga. Nahiya lang ako kay PM, sya kasi class president; ka-group ko pa sya at Boss ko din sya sa trabaho.

Nagkandaloko loko na nga eh. Sabay classes ko and practices. Sa last day pa, sa Nov. 12, which is the retreat's first day, papatak yung final exam. Bwu hu hu. Take home exam ako, pero mukhang parusa to the max yung bibigay ng Prof. 2 lang kami mag re-report sa group dahil on official travel si BS, eh sya itong may alam sa fiscal policies. Waaahhh to the max!

We had practice last night, in lieu of Saturday, coz Bro. Elmer (our teacher) , Kuchee and I can't make it. My knees are sore. They actually have red and purple bruises. Iyos and I had to do a lot of kneeling for the "Beloved" pattern...we were kinda teasing...I don't feel so loved at all...Parusa!!! In fairness, it became a little easier with practices. But still, I have trouble walking today.

Louise told me she keeps updated via my blog. 친구, 미아네요. 한국말은 모라요. I'll try to do better next time. =)

Anyways, if suddenly you see me sitting and staring dumbly into space...don't think I'm in dreamland. Call a doctor and have me whisked off...I may have finally lost my mind.

TTPA and N-ELL

Our next MMPA subject is TPPA - Theories and Practices in Public Administration. I must admit that I got quite a scare just hearing "Dr. Gascon" yesterday when I asked PM (our class president) about it. "Dr. Gascon" seem more, errr, for lack of a proper term, strict. PM and I assumed "Dr. Gascon" is a he.

Imagine my near heart-attack when PM asked me to greet/fetch "Dr. Gascon" at the lobby this morning since he'll be coming in late. I wanted to tell him I've just left home, but I knew that if anyone can tell I'm lying, it would be PM. So I told him I' m on my way.

"Dr. Gascon" turned out to be a she. And rather pleasant, though, true to my instinct, she is quite strict. No "Prof. Hicap", she was 30 mins. early. She stressed the importance of attendance, laid down the requirements at the start of the class. She handled the topics quite well...if there were some minor weaknesses, it would be the "ego". But I suspect every learned person, displaying his/her knowledge to an audience, must possess the necessary quantity of over self-confidence to be credible.
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PS: N-ELL Non-existent Lovelife

Soju Resolutions

Jed and I went for soju last night...hmm, to drown our miseries?

Actually, our reason for our RP trip was to watch any Asian film, specifically Korean, at the CineManila fest. But the only films showing were Tagalog films Tuli, Dilim, Cut etc. etc. I was looking forward pa naman to watching A Bittersweet Life...kahit di ko masyado type si LBH. Hehehe, peace!

So we just went to Kaya nalang. Substitute. Nung papunta pa lang kami ng RP, we went inside this Korean grocery store and they were selling Soju. Wanted to buy sana, coz it's cheap at 90 bucks. Pero since we planned on watching a movie, di kami bumili.

I had a bento style meal while Jed settled for chigae. Feel namin mag soju, pero 2 lang kami and it's a week day and di namin alam gano kalakas ang soju. So we ate muna. Unni Anne, Jed's elder sister joined us a little later and we were able to persuade her to try soju. We ordered kimpab para may pulutan.

Wow, men! Soju tastes like cough syrup. Si Jed, di nya type. Ako, okay lang. Feeling ko, with a little lime or orange juice, it'll go down better, parang tequilla. It's an acquired taste. Naka dalawang full-glass shots lang kami each...konti lang din pala laman ng isang bottle.

So, Soju Resolutions were born.

Soju Resolution 1: No first moves via SMS. In this line, all contact informations in the mobile phone of RCTO shall be deleted. Memorizing it is also prohibited. (Ang tindi ko naman ata, kund ime-memorize ko pa yun. Number nga ng parents ko, di ko alam.)

Soju Resolution 2: If the other party makes the first move, RCTO shall keep all replies brief and to the point. (Ang hilig ko kasi magkwento pag sumasagot. Sinusulit ko ang 160 characters!)

Soju Resolution 3: 18 October 2005 will be the last time anyone would ever hear of the topic. It's not only period, it's book closed.

So there, my Soju Resolutions. I was able to do all three (yung pangatlo, we will test tomorrow.) I was succeeding na of ignoring him, kasi sya nag text. To tell me that this person wants him to save the pics at this network drive. Hmmmph.

Anyway, will post our Soju dinner next time. Di dala ni Kuya ang kanyang magic infrared. Medyo masungit na din sya ulit ngayon. I therefore conclude...Love, as a drug, wears off easily.

Shut Eye Realizations

O another "realizations" segment. Hi hi hi (yuck, I sound like somebody I dislike!)

It's amazing what a night's sleep can do. I actually didn't get much of a shut eye last night. I lay awake in bed, drifting in and out of semi-consciousness. I was listening to my mp3s, willing my mind to grab that thin thread of dreams...But even as I was starting to driff off, I'd realize the song playing is one of my faves and I'd return to reality. Sigh. I gave up at around the 20th song and viola! Sleep! Hurrah! Dreamless sleep, but sleep nonetheless.

Lapit na pasko! 63 days na lang sabi sa radio. Gawd, 63 days nalang broke ulit ako! Sana may magregalo ng laptop. Santa!!!! Yoohooo! I've been a good girl this year, promise!

Ramblings of a sentimental fool

I'm learning how to cope with a laptop whose LCD is only 1/3 useable. I'm learning to cope with my classes and the demands on the mind, time and caledar of a masteral student and public servant. I'm learning to cope with a whole lotta stress....

I think. =)

I wanna tell a story, but while the story is still beginning, I'd rather keep quiet for now. There might not be a story to tell afterall. What I am feeling may soon fade, the signs I've read may be wrong. The only friend I've told about it is Kuchee, and she advised me to just enjoy the feeling and the things that are happening while I could. And I want to do just that. Savor the feeling while they make me happy. My instincts and feelings may be too premature, but one has to grab happiness when it is given. There are too few of them sometimes.

I just want to be happy. I just want to be with someone who makes me smile, laugh, think. I just want to enjoy his company, our conversations...our time together. I don't want to think too much on what it could be, or where it could lead, or if it even if it is real...I don't want to complicate things by asking too much questions now when someday will be soon enough.

I like him. He makes me feel special. Beautiful, intelligent and precious. He spoils me, showers me with attention, and when we're together, he makes me feel I am the only one present.

For now, he'll be anonymous. He's not Mr. Shy Guy, but he has yet to make his feelings known, if there are any. I won't leap into conclusions, will just let things happen as they should. Sometimes I am scared that it's all just hype, that there's NOTHING there, that once again I became THE fool. But I also told myself I would sieze the day, do what my heart tells me to do, live with passion...

Gosh, I hate being the sentimental fool...But what can I do? I am a sentimental fool.

PS: I regret some of the things I declared recently...The things I said just to appear tough and unaffected. Things that seem to be the right thing to say at that moment.

Late Nights...

For two nights now, I've stayed in the office trying to complete my portion of our group's social campaign. It's about PUV drivers, road safety, road courtesy and discipline. It's very interesting, so much so that I'm driven to research a lot...even if it meant sacrificing my net surfing time. =)

I miss my laptop. If it were still fine, I'd be working at home...sniff sniff.

Nothing spectacular in my daily life.

Just wanna share Mr. Shy Guy's latest message: "It's an ordinary song for a special girl like you, from a simple guy that's so in love with you. I don't even have the look, no diamond to show and no limousine to take you were to go". O ha! Even if he just copied that somewhere, I was still shocked. But I needed to ask him, and I did: "Paano mo naman nasabi yun eh di mo pa ko talagang kilala?" Natameme ata. Di na sumagot. Hmmpp!

A was here kanina. Nagdeliver ng papers sa boss ko for signature. I think my admiration for him is waning now that we rarely see each other anymore. Out of sight, out of mind. Gosh, I miss being in love with love. **However, let's see what happens tomorrow. We're invited to a party, yung buong choir. May classes ako, may OT sya. Both of us will be coming from the office, so sabi nya sabay na kami. O ha! We asked another friend to come with us, para may transpo. Takot ata ang mujer (este ang mister! sorry, slip of the tongue) na mapag-isa with me. He he he.

Anyway, I have stories pa, pero dahil nanganganib na mabasa nya ito (dahil lagi syang malapit...) di ko muna kwento. Next time na...pag sure na ako na mas matimbang ang ego nya kesa sa curiousity. *wink*

Blues

I'm recovering from my bout of blues, but am now battling with flu. Yikes, rhyming pa. Hahaha.

Still busy with school, dance and my two choirs. Yesterday, during the Microfinance Summit, we sang the Pambansang Awit and a Filipino medley. I was planning not to go since my voice croaks like a frog's and no amount of pei pak wa helps. But since I've prepared myself for it, and they were saying andun si PGMA, go na lang ako. Yikes, 3 lang kami alto and 2 ang mikes for all. Wah, feeling ko, it was the best time to get a brown bag to cover my head. He he. Actually, after the songs, sabi nila pede na daw pang New York... New York? New York? Ah, New York Cubao!

Anyway, Mo. Nadine's retreat is forthcoming, and the dancers are busily preparing. Rush rush rush. All rush because there's only a month to go, and we're still preparing our dresses. Last Sunday, Uncle (Randy) and I rushed to Divisoria in a bid to complete the materials for the banners, tamborine tussels and dress accessories. It came to me that we're working on the costumes like a it's major production, but we've yet to focus on the patterns. I was thinking on focusing on the new dancers, since they've to learn how to strike and tap and swivel a tamborine the proper way, but all I can ask them is to bring home their tamborines so they can practice.

Okay, what else? Mr. Shy Guy apologized for not attending the concert. I think Marc may have told him that I asked him (Marc) about it. But well, that's the end of it all. I've chalked it all to (bad) experience. I wondered once why men could take two steps forward and suddenly turn tail, abandoning all their past efforts. Ay, iba talaga ang trip ng mga men!

Ayun. Basta marami nang lalaki sa buhay ko. Tatay ko, kuya Jing (asawa ng ate ko na mas mabait kesa sa ate ko), mga uncles ko (sa mother side), sanpits na makukulet at sweet, mga pusakal kong alaga na matatakaw at seloso, at si Rajeeve na kahit di akin ay sweet pa rin...

There's a Bitch in the House

There's a new bitch at home. Name's Rajah. But Raj's not at all pleased having her around. He's constantly barking at her. We reprimand him by saying that Rajah's his future partner. Yep, Rajah's our newest puppy.

She's quite heavier than Rajeeve...with bigger eyes and longer coat. She's also "typical" female - quiet and malambing. Thus, Rajeeve is always snapping at her - typical male!

Not much story to tell...I'm watching Attic Cat again, just to get that "kilig" feeling. I'm waiting for other Korean series, but I want something with a little comedy and a whole lot bickering. The one thing that turned me off Love Story in Harvard is that KRW and KTH were so "couple"ish from the beginning that there wasn't much anticipation.

Got a bum tummy for the past two days. I hoped I at least lost some weight, a consolation for all those miserable moments spent inside the loo...but alas! Not even a sigle gram ata.

Anyway, still waiting for chingu's letter...think she's also too busy these days. Hay. Life! I wanna go home.

PS: He said "I love you" in public (yesterday). But of course, it was a joke.

So Long...Farewell

I've been saying farewell to a lot of things these days...

I've said my final goodbye to Mr. Shy Boy. I invited him to our concert, and he said he was coming. He texted me to say he's already infront of our building...and the next message was that he got cold feet and went back home. Instinct told me it was time to say "You're out!".

I'm saying goodbye to a crush. Parang nako-konfirm ko na nga na di kami talo. Pareho kaming mujer.

I want to say goodbye to a person, who, for the past couple of weeks, had become sort of my chika. I don't know why suddenly, the atmosphere between us has turned cold. So rather than press him (and myself) for explanations, I'm closing the chapter. People are also starting to misread our friendship, as proven during today's lunch.

I want to say goodbye to some of my old feelings...and to the people for whom those feelings were intended. I thinkI've carried enough baggages for so long. I'm tired of looking back memory lane whenever we are together.

I want to say goodbye to my happy-money-spending-go-lucky way. Hey, hindi ako gastador, pero I think I've bought one too many techtoys already. The cost of the lcd repair is going to cost me helluva lot, so want it or not, no new shoes for the time being. Gawd, I hope I can stay sane! Shoes! Shoes! I love shoes!

I'm watching a whole lotta Korean series again. I've My Name is Kim Sam Soon, Bom Nal (Springday of my hot kimchi Jo In Sung), Sassy Girl Chunyang and Jewel in the Palace line up. I'll be busy reading lips and mimicking "oppa" again. Ha ha ha. Hopefully, too busy to think about my turning-to-be-a-little-miserable life.

PS

I attended PM afterall. Nagaaya nga si Dodong (codename ng kaberks ko sa BSSingers) maginuman. Sa mood ko kagabi, I wanted to drown my depression talaga. But not infront of the whole world naman. Plus, puro kaya sila men (boys and men and lolos, the whole lot, from tenors to bass) kaya I just went to PM. May talk si Father Alex. Third of the series about prayer. I wanted to go home and sleep, but I have to take the attendance for the BCM talks which was being given simultaneously with the prayer series. Hay. I should really have gone to bed nalang and let sleep take over.

Bad trip. I was scolded infront of a lot of people, by one of the elders who was giving the BCM talk(who was the husband of my sheepkeeper pa naman), for being rude and impolite. Imagine. I was just obeying the servant leader's instruction to remind him that the prayer talk is finished. It took a moment for the words to sink in. I was standing by the door, talking with another elder about the dance ministry. When the words registered, I really couldn't take it anymore. Sabi ko, pag sumunod ka sa inutos, papagalitan ka. Pag hindi ka sumunod, papagalitan ka pa rin. Hmmp. Yep, said that infront of the elder. Then I cried. Cried for all I was worth. Cried for all this friggin' miseries were worth.

I don't know why I'm bawling. Sure, lcd repair would cost me as much as the laptop, but it's just money. I'm crying because I'm mad. I feel it's so unfair that this should happen. I've so many questions to God. You'd think being in the renewal, I should know better. Believe me, when you're left alone in the desert, and you get more sand when you asked for water, you'd feel the way I do. Sometimes, I just want to know why He doesn't seem to hear me, or want to grant my requests. It's not as if I ask for the world...or anything impossible. It's not as if by asking for them, I'd rob somebody else of their's.

Hay. Miserable till now.

My Hell of a Week

This week's been pretty hectic. We had rehearsals everyday and the stress level of the entire group really reached saturation point. I myself felt like screaming at some of them for heckling, for not paying attention, not memorizing their steps, squabbling and complaining, not attending practices, talking and talking...

I had been busy as well with the video presentation. I made two videos...one showing the chorale's history, their pictures from previous concerts and contests, visits to the senate and the palace. The second one is to give thanks to our musical director, our adviser, the lot of us who sacrificed our time, talents and treasures for this particular endeavor...I feel so drained now as though a blanket just covered my sun.

My laptop's lcd screen is broken. Yesterday afternoon, after rehearsals, I joined by colleagues for merienda and sat on a plastic stool. My laptop was in a backpack (for laptops) on the floor beside me because I was planning to work on the videos. One of the legs of my stool gave way and I ended up on a heap on the floor...unfortunately, slightly on top of my laptop. I tested it to see if everything'f fine, but the bottom right of the screen had a crack. I was worried, angry with myself and very sad. But I was able to use it the entire night to edit and finish the videos.

But this morning, the whole screen's completely wasted. A diagonal cut runs from upper left to bottom right and unless you connect the laptop to a computer monitor, the entire unit's totally useless. I cried. I swear I had to leave the dressing room for a while to cry my eyes out. We had to borrow my department's laptop to be able to show our videos.

The only good thing that happened was our concert. At least, it was successful. I am proud to be a BSSinger. That all the efforts paid off. That I have something to show for all the afternoons I was gone from the office on official time just to attend rehearsals. I smiled and accepted all the praises and thank yous that I got. My doubts about staying on at the chorale were eliminated.

Still, back to reality. There's a broken lcd that needs fixing. I am so angry because I had been so careful of this techtoy. I had spend endless moments debating on the merits of acquiring one. I had to endure some "money-saving" days to afford it (and some of my techtoys). All for naught.

I am so depressed I can't stop writing. I don't want to attend prayer meeting tonight. I feel so tired and wasted and down. I know it's not good to be skipping PMs just because bad luck deigned to feast on me. Sigh. ** So okay, masenti na naman ako. kill me!

Ang pamamaalam

Mr. Shy Guy said his goodbyes last night. He began with apologies for disturbing me, then thank yous for my replies and attention...He asked me to pray for him always and that it would be his last message to me.

Golly, I was curious, and if there's anything that can grab my attention, it would be "mysteries". I told him he's quite a flare for the dramatics, and if he's dying or leaving or whatever. He didn't answer that, but texted back another apology...and more goodnights. Okay. I can just shrug my shoulders at that (I was watching Loving You vcds).

It made me think...What brought this on? I have several theories:

1. He's sick and really dying (ala Korean telenovela. Waw, sinusundan ako ng aking mga addictions!)
2. He's found a job as an OFW (malabo...)
3. He hit his head and natauhan sya ("Man, pare, babae ba yun talaga?")
4. He hit his head and natauhan theory 2 (Ano bang pede kong ipagmalaki sa kanya...wala akong trabaho...di ako nakatapos...eh siya...drama)
5. Nakabuntis ng ibang girl (uy, uso ito, promise!)
6. May nakitang iba (ibang ano???)
7. Na gets na nya na hanggang friends na lang talaga kami (can read between the lines, in short)

O ayan, I didn't have to break his heart ha...Sabi nga, just let the tide ebb and flow. Eventually, people go their own way when left to their own devices.

PS: Said my goodbye na rin din. I told him I'll always include him in my prayers. I ended with a "bye". This morning, he replied. Would you believe, he asked where I was going?! This prompted me to tell him it was he who was bawling last night and saying goodbye. I asked him if he was drunk. Surprise! surprise! Yes.

Men!

Chingu

안녕, 친구아! How was your trip home?

Saturday afternoon, I fetched unni Eun Jung (Louise) from her hotel, Mandarin Oriental. She would be staying at my house overnight until her flight on Sunday (today) after lunch. I was so excited to have her over that I bought a sofa bed. I had to forego some of my usual activities (choir and dance practice) to show unni around.

I' m really thankful that Jed, my colleague and fellow Korean culture fan, agreed to come with us. We decided to go to Gateway Mall instead of exploring Timog/Tomas Morato since three years ago, duon na rin namin sila dinala. Randy wasn't able to make it (He's one of unni's favorite teachers, hehehe!) but Paul met us for dinner. Unni Eun Jung was always game. We had a big dinner at Burgoo and coffee at The Coffee Beanery. We stayed and chatted until 11 pm...my mother was already texting me and was worried...I think she was dying to meet my friend more than she's worried about me getting kidnapped. Hehehe.

We stayed up late, and I forced (take note!) her to listen to me singing Korean songs (Maegi and Noon Eh Ggot). I told her she couldn't eat breakfast if she did not compliment my Korean pronunciation! Seriously, she's so generous with her praises that I felt like blushing (sa kulay kong ito???) everytime she'd tell me my pronunciation is perfect. Ha ha! Singing is so different from talking, I told her, but I promised to improve on my spoken Korean, nonetheless.

Mostly, we compared our culture and talked about family. We gossiped about Randy (well, actually, we speculated on how old Randy really is - good thing he doesn't know this blog existed or I'll be done for) and Korean stars. She is quite amazing for someone who often says she's not fluent in English. Her grammar and vocabulary are both quite good. Ako pa yata naubusan ng English eh!

I woke up early and didn't want to wake her up. She needs to be at the airport three hours before her flight, so I let her sleep around for a bit. I contemplated on not really waking her up until it's too late so she'll be forced to stay an extra night, but I got scared of Korean wrath. Ha ha ha. Baka isumpa ako, tuluyan ko nang hindi makikilala ang aking mga oppa!

My mom prepared a big big breakfast. She took out the entire content of our ref. Kahit ako, nanlaki mga mata ko sa dami! There were kutchinta and niyog, buchi, tuyo (salted fish), a kind of soup/stew which turned out to be my dong saeng's experiment, tofu, longganisa, tomatoes, pandesal, bottled kimchi, fried rice, cottage cheese, melon, and grapes. But unni was not as voracious an eater as I am, so she ate mostly fruits, though she enjoyed the longganisa and pandesal.

After breakfast, we washed up and got dressed. My mom insisted on us taking her to the airport because, well, obvious ba, hindi naman ganun ka-safe and streets natin especially for foreigners, even if it's still morning. On our way to the airport, we had last minute chika pa. Since di rin kami papasukin sa loob, and there were plenty of people already lining up (due to Ramadan yata, daming Muslims eh), we just dropped her off, said our brief goodbyes and promised to write as soon as possible. Talagang hindi ko linya ang magpaalam, I am clueless as to what to do, so as finale, I gave her a hug.

She should be in Korea now, snuggled in bed, ready to take on her new job tomorrow. We met briefly three years ago, exchanged correspondences until now, and I hope we'd be able to maintain our friendship even across seas. Ay ang drama ko na naman, noh?

Basta next time, ang linya ko: Korea, chingu, here I come!

PS: No pictures...chingu's wishes. Lol.