Shopping

For me, the shopping is the fun part. Looking at different things, comparing...wanting.

I know I can get it if I want to, and I can have it if I truly want it enough. Once it is in my grasp, the excitement is gone and the item loses its appeal.

The various things discarded in my room...shoes hardly worn - bought because they were cute; trendy clothes too warm for the weather - bought because I wanted to make a statement; assorted kikay stuff that is soooo not me - bought when I was trying to change my image (ha!), a laptop i hardly ever use, posters, stickers, stationeries - all crammed forgotten inside a drawer. They were all once treasures...when they were at the store, yes.

The pleasure is in the acquiring, as they say.

And it goes the same for my lovelife.

How many times has it happened? Just when "it" is there, insecurities, self-doubts and a truckload of wrong ideals beffudles my brain and I run scared.

Of Blues and Blogs

The blues just came in a snap. I woke up this morning feeling like I've been waiting in line and the bus has just left, leaving me stranded. Suddenly, there is sand around my sun, and my desert is vast and void of oasis again...Cliche, my golly, cliche. I sound like some darn script.

It's not the lack of sugar, though I wish it was the case. That would certainly excuse my chocolate addiction, and I could binge on dark, sinfully bitter chocolates. I would think that my current lack of sunshine has something to do with PMS, but I'm not nearing my date yet plus I'm definitely more volatile than acetone during those days.

I confided to a colleague that there are days when you are just so happy that you literally cast sunbeams. Nothing can go wrong, then spoofffhhh! In a snap, just one little teeny dent on your bumper sends the whole car spinning off the curb.

I am not depressed for nothing, there is actually a reason. I've never been Ms. Sunshine (that sounds too...schoolgirl-ish) so it's nothing new. Though I believe NOW is actually bad-timing for a blog, I thought, "what the heck, it's MY BLOG anyways."

PS: My reason for all this?It rained on my parade! Damn GLOBE! I'll switch to Smart soon.

BINGO

BINGO!
Thus, my friend called out. I crossed my fingers that it was MY ticket Jowin was playing. Yep, it was mine. I couldn't play my cards since I was sticking numbers on the board, so I relied on Jowin to play while his wife took care of my cute godchild, Chino.

Alas, Jowin got one of the numbers wrong...too bad, the prize was a digital camera. Tita Milette won the camera and we proceeded with the other games.

BINGO again. And this time, no more bluff. But I shared the prize, a Nokia phone with a camera, with another winner, who had also won a slightly lower-end Nokia unit in one of the previous games. Yep, this is about the 3rd time in my entire life that I won something...the two were raffle prizes. I was happy happy happy.

Since I already own a Sony Ericson phone with a camera and the works, which is still functioning satisfactoriy despite all the "bruises" it received from me, I opted to sell my share. Since he already won a Nokia 1100, he wanted to keep the other Nokia with the camera. Instead of giving me money, I agreed to get the Nokia 1100 plus some cash. I didn't want to argue and negotiate anymore...I've been awake since 8 in the morning, preparing for the dance practice at 9 which lasted till 1:30. At 3 pm, we were busy for the BINGO. I'd been on my feet the whole day and I just wanted to rest. Good thing Government employees have no work tomorrow!!! Yeheyyyy!!!

All in all, I had a pretty good day. I have often thought I am so unlucky in games and contests and raffles and such, and so very hesistant about buying expensive raffle tickets. But now..Yay! Lady luck smiled at me...

Wait a minute, I thought too, as a compensation, those who are not lucky in games are, at least, lucky in love...hmmm...If the tables are turned, then I'm properly warned... But I'd rather have love anytime.

Peace!

PS: I waited for him to approach first. He is Mr. Shy, I know, but despite me being Ms. Go Getter, I like to watch the men running the show in this particular channel. He did nothing but stare. Hmmp!

The "V"s.

Ay yay! Guess what the "V" stands for?
That's Cherrie, Jed, Me and Michelle. Taken a lifetime ago...by Sir Kit. Oh diva, we're so purty!!!

Random Thoughts...Not Necessarily True.

Just a few twisted lines I made up...and I'm still deciding if these are really my ideals. Afterall, I'm low on the commitment stuff. I'm not exactly Miss Sweet and Thoughtful either, so I may fall short on my own standards. Sheeze! =)

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My guts are twisted in jealousy.
I want exclusivity.
If it's me, I want to be the one and only.
You can have eyes only for me.

No talk of other girls.
No stories of past conquests.
And I want publicity, too.
It comes with the territory, I think.

I want commitment
And complete honesty.
Faith, freedom and sincerity.
Oh, and thoughtfulness is a must.

Relief

I am at least a little relieved to hear that our choir's mini concert would be moved to mid-September, just in time for our former Governor to attend. I had been a bit disappointed that some (most!) of the choir members are not as dedicated to this major project as they should. We have yet to practice as a complete group. So far, every practice, the choreography and blocking would have changes to accommodate the "new comers" who weren't able to attend the previous practice. Time is constantly wasted waiting for people to show up. Already, I am wondering if passion is a thing long forgotten. I thought at least, as artists, we would have passion, a zest, a drive for perfection.

So now, I am relieved that we still have more time to get our act together. I still have time to buy shoes...and make-up (yikes!).

What I worry about is the Saturday rehearsals. If the concert will be in September, there would be Saturday practices and I have classes staring September...that is, if our group will finally decide to enroll.

This is why my planner is empty despite all my activities...i write my schedule in pencil and erase them and just let all plans fly out the window. As it goes with Nike...Just Do It.

Kaye's Debut

Posting a picture during Kaye's debut on August 20, 2005. From left: My mom's youngest sister, great singer and mother of my favorite godchild, Ate (yes, we call our aunts "ate") Maris, my big sister Ate Wheng, Apple, Gie (she likes to be called Beige, but I am big sister here and this is my blog!), pretty debutante (think black-haired Julia Stiles) Kakay and moi...

Pahabol

Breaking the predictability expectation, he did send 3 goodnight messages...at 7:30 p.m. Told him it was too early for sleep but well...I think for lack of a better conversation piece, he'd rather send cutesy messages. And he only has two kinds...good mornings and goodnights. Funny guy...Poor guy. This early, as I learn of his background, my alarms are ringing.

Short Stories

Day three and he's quite predictable.

He'd send three text messages between 9 to 11 a.m. Inspiring messages with "Good morning" and a "Sender requested a reply". He'd reappear again the next day with another set of good morning messages.

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So the guy with the voice I liked was friendly-friendly. When reprimanded why he and another singer were hiding behind the altos, he grabbed my shoulders and moved me far to the left. "Kasi ikaw dapat dito". I looked at him and quipped "Ay, sorry ha, ang laking kasalanan." Everyone was laughing, including our ill-tempered director.

Dreams

I didn't have a restless night, so I'm quite surprised that I had slightly bad dreams. "Slightly" because the first was a warning, the in second it wasn't happening to me, and in the third, I didn't finish the dream.

The first dream would have been a nice dream. Louise, my Korean friend, was in my room, sticking some A4-size paper on the wall. In my dream I was napping, and woke up to find her there. I wasn't even surprised that she was in my room (of all places!) and not in Korea, where she is now. I asked her what she was doing and she told me to just go back to sleep. When I woke up next, a friend (faceless) was asking me who put up those papers. They were like notes for me to take care because my life could be in danger. I told the faceless friend that my Korean friend had been there.

Skip to next dream. I was watching a Korean (again!) film. Three women were the characters of the movie. They were leaving a place and just when the last of the women were to escape, boom! She stepped on something and it blew up! One guy was there and he kept saying "I'm sorry, I didn't know."...

The third dream, I was dining in a fancy restaurant with some friends (again, nameless) and (maybe I was feeling dreadful) I stepped out of the restaurant. Just when I did, I brushed shoulders with several guys who looked like crooks. Feeling suspicious, I ran to the next shop (a coffee house) and told them to hide my bag because the restaurant next door was being robbed. I was even surprised that they allowed me to hide my bag there, when in ordinary circumstances, this isn't allowed. I was going to run back to the restaurant, for what purpose, God only knows.

Then I woke up. All these were in a span of a 5-hour sleep.

It must be my pre-occupation with Korean dramas are catching up on me. Maybe I should heed the warnings in my dream and not go out for a while, but I've always believed that you can be safe at home and danger would still strike. Maybe it portends of things, bad things, to come in my slightly-becoming-interesting lovelife. Maybe dreams are just dream and I am no Joseph to be interpreting them.

Maybe.

I'm IT

First time I got tagged…Hmmm...

Total Number of Books Owned : I buy them, lend them to somebody else and never get them back. Since grade school, I might have collected more than three hundred (people give me books as gifts, I must have bookworm stamped on my forehead). I had to leave some in SA (my favorite English historical novels of the lives of King Henry VIII’s wives by Victoria Holt [under a pseudo]).

Last Book I Bought: Jonathan Livingston Seagull (A present for a Chingu). I borrowed the last few books (hehehe)

Last Book I Read : Re-reading Iris Johansen’s suspense-thriller Long After Midnight. In between, scanning this true story rape-slay novel Deadly Innocence. But the last book I (actually) finished is Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Five books that mean a lot to me: The Bible, My English-Korean-English dictionary…(I don’t have any particular favorites now…but I liked The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho, The Little Prince by A. Saint Exupery and IJ’s Windancer series)

I tag...: (Yikes, I have only a handful of people connected to my blog yet)
1. Tina Bebe
2. Camille
3. Moren
4. Cecille
5. Mai

Lovelife 102 and Dance

I love dancing. It relieves my mind of the many things I worry about. While dancing, there's nothing but movement, rythm and your body. Sometimes, the mind does a little work, but it rather complicates the whole system, so I shut it off and let myself go.

I've received several advices to be kind...especially to would-be, wanna-be boylets. It gives me pause, well, a thirty-second one, hahaha. While I can never be the epitome of genteel breeding and sweetness, I am not exactly a man-hating ice princess. I do have my moments, though rare.

So when I received those messages on my cellphone, I had to control my natural tendency to be flippant, lest I be misunderstood as too sarcastic. But damn, all I arrived at was a simple "Hi, thank you for the inspiring messages."...Eh wala akong maisip eh!

So half the day was wasted wondering how to be nice, and half the day wasted wondering if I had been nice. Bah, what a wasted day!

So amidst the thunder and rain, I went to choir dance rehearsal...(as if ang layo, within the building din naman!). I practiced and let off some steam, bantered with the oldies and saw another boylet whose voice I liked. Took my mind off the dreaded messages.

OC me. OC me. OC me. Is there a medication for it?

Lovelife 101

I caught a glimpse of him from across the room. Not bad looking. Tall. Looks decent enough. Of course, a mere glance can't tell a lot about a person, but as I have been advised, why not give it a try.

Yeah why not?

My friend asked me if she could give him my number as he had been asking about me. Okay. Though I am having second and third thoughts already. He seemed a bit young and shy. My friend said he's two years younger. Okay. Fair game. But if he's shy and naive, I might have to a little more gentler with him. And a lot more nicer.

I've been long absent in the dating scheme (ha, fortunately, you have to be Madam Auring or Kris Aquino to get expelled!), and my lamentable social skills explains why I am not in such a rush to achieve Marital Bliss. I don't exactly miss having to wait for a phone call which would later turn to a squabble (that or falling asleep while he's yakking), or the I-am-here-where-are-you-we-don't see-each-other-anymore thing. Singledom might actually be the way to go for someone who thinks Girl Power is the answer to the world's pressing problems.

This is getting too much for a prologue. I'm not counting the chickens unless I actually get to see Mother Hen.

Mole Hills

Yikes, been typing my blog for quite a while only to realize somebody must have lifted the extension phone and got me disconnected.

Anyways, can't remember much of how I wrote it, but I've been rambling on about my worries. 11 days to the mini concert and we're all like chickens scrambling. We've yet to memorize 16 songs, and only a third of the line-up has choreography. Our musical director told us we saw it coming and we've to accept that the concert may fall flat since we didn't exactly do our best to prepare for it. By next practice we have to have memorized all the songs, we're not allowed to bring our notes anymore. So I have, like, two days to rig the songs and the notes into my useless head. Fat lot this weekend will do me, I have my cousin's debut to attend tonight, so I might have to memorize the songs while watching the debutante waltz around the ballroom. Tomorrow, I promised to serve at the Life in the Spirit Seminar. I have to practice the songs in my sleep, then. Ha ha and ha!

I still have not the slightest clue what to do with my hair. For the longest time, I've been thinking of hcking it all off, but for an inch of it to cover my head. Five years ago, I got away with that hairdo, and managed to look like an imp. But five years ago, I was 10 pounds lighter and 5 years younger. I don't think I'd be able to get away with the same image now. Plus I have to have long hair for the various activities this year.
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As for my ever stormy (weather-weather lang yan!) love-life, I daresay men are such complex creatures that I am tired of trying to understand what goes on in their heads when the say or do something. Pretty hard to figure them out when they are not so consistent with their words and deeds.

Busy Bee, Crush and School

If Blogging is a subject, I'd failed it by now, with my absenses. Now, as I am a repeater, I promised to at least study harder and attend to it as much as possible. Now, my second blog, this, is quite boring since nothing eventful happened in the last 48 hours.

But if you could count having a slight crush an event...then I think my life would have something to talk about, after all. Ha ha and ha.

Isn't it funny when you tell yourself you admire this person, how you become aware of him and start to even like him? And I think that's what's happening to me.

I don't even think he's cute, though, if I were gay (and that would be a big IF), like our musical director, I'd find him a looker. But it was just his voice that I liked. So it was quite a surprise to find myself a tad jealous during rehearsals when he was paired off with another girl. Really hard to look at them walking together, hand in hand, while the rest of us coo to some melodramatic song (which, incidentally, I also sang, solo, during my first christmas party where I work). So now, I take it back and say i don't really like him. Not a bit.
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This evening we had our orientation for our Masters...duh duh duh. Quite boring, but I need to study even if just to get this brain starting again. PA might not be my forte, but the course is short enough and the load easy for someone on the go, like me. It might actually be fun since my classmates would be my colleagues, and our classes would be conducted at our office. Tuition fees would be a bit cheaper and the schedule ... the schedule would force me to slow down a bit on my mall-hopping and (fortunately) money-spending.

Classes every Saturday means I might have to give up my community choir and window shopping...plus my Korean addiction. My dream trip to where my kimchis are might prove elusive this year, but I'm still keeping my fingers closed (and my palms open for grace to come).

Meanwhile, I have to fit the word "dieting" into my vocabulary, and later, into my schedule.

Finally!

Finally! After a month of ownership (useless, actually), I am able to use my laptop for Internet purposes, which was the real purpose why I gave up binge-ing just to afford it. My first priority is setting up my own blog, though, admittedly, I won't be able to update it like all my blog-addict friends. At least, I know I don't have to wait for little big sister to lend me the computer so I can use the Internet...still, an excuse would be..."wala akong load, eh" (my understatement of the year!).

So what does one do with a blog spot? Er, I am not so garrulous actually, that I have tons to talk about at the end of the day. My day is not exciting, enough, with me just going to and from the office, eating lunch and having choir practice thrice a week. There aren't even enough boys (men!) to talk about. The few who exists are not worthy to waste bytes over, since most are either off-limits or are big-time jerks. Hmm, my life definitely sounds like it needs a major overhaul.

Back to the blog, my other activities pass in a blur...so clockwork and uninteresting even for me. I usually rush from one activity to another, and at the end of the day, I can't remember half of what I did, if ever I accomplished anything at all. Even at Biblia every Monday, I am at a loss for a story of the week.

So now, my first blog is all about what to write in my blog. Ain't that a bummer!