Got the dancers' schedule of practices with the P&W ministry and Worship leaders for the next two weeks until the retreat. And for a while, I could only stare and count the free hours I would be able to grab sleep or do some personal errands. The practices, coupled with school demands (a reaction paper every week plus a case report on the 5th), would tie-up my weekends and sem-break holidays. Wahhhh! Parang gusto ko nang mag drop-out sa classes talaga. Nahiya lang ako kay PM, sya kasi class president; ka-group ko pa sya at Boss ko din sya sa trabaho.

Nagkandaloko loko na nga eh. Sabay classes ko and practices. Sa last day pa, sa Nov. 12, which is the retreat's first day, papatak yung final exam. Bwu hu hu. Take home exam ako, pero mukhang parusa to the max yung bibigay ng Prof. 2 lang kami mag re-report sa group dahil on official travel si BS, eh sya itong may alam sa fiscal policies. Waaahhh to the max!

We had practice last night, in lieu of Saturday, coz Bro. Elmer (our teacher) , Kuchee and I can't make it. My knees are sore. They actually have red and purple bruises. Iyos and I had to do a lot of kneeling for the "Beloved" pattern...we were kinda teasing...I don't feel so loved at all...Parusa!!! In fairness, it became a little easier with practices. But still, I have trouble walking today.

Louise told me she keeps updated via my blog. 친구, 미아네요. 한국말은 모라요. I'll try to do better next time. =)

Anyways, if suddenly you see me sitting and staring dumbly into space...don't think I'm in dreamland. Call a doctor and have me whisked off...I may have finally lost my mind.

TTPA and N-ELL

Our next MMPA subject is TPPA - Theories and Practices in Public Administration. I must admit that I got quite a scare just hearing "Dr. Gascon" yesterday when I asked PM (our class president) about it. "Dr. Gascon" seem more, errr, for lack of a proper term, strict. PM and I assumed "Dr. Gascon" is a he.

Imagine my near heart-attack when PM asked me to greet/fetch "Dr. Gascon" at the lobby this morning since he'll be coming in late. I wanted to tell him I've just left home, but I knew that if anyone can tell I'm lying, it would be PM. So I told him I' m on my way.

"Dr. Gascon" turned out to be a she. And rather pleasant, though, true to my instinct, she is quite strict. No "Prof. Hicap", she was 30 mins. early. She stressed the importance of attendance, laid down the requirements at the start of the class. She handled the topics quite well...if there were some minor weaknesses, it would be the "ego". But I suspect every learned person, displaying his/her knowledge to an audience, must possess the necessary quantity of over self-confidence to be credible.
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PS: N-ELL Non-existent Lovelife

Soju Resolutions

Jed and I went for soju last night...hmm, to drown our miseries?

Actually, our reason for our RP trip was to watch any Asian film, specifically Korean, at the CineManila fest. But the only films showing were Tagalog films Tuli, Dilim, Cut etc. etc. I was looking forward pa naman to watching A Bittersweet Life...kahit di ko masyado type si LBH. Hehehe, peace!

So we just went to Kaya nalang. Substitute. Nung papunta pa lang kami ng RP, we went inside this Korean grocery store and they were selling Soju. Wanted to buy sana, coz it's cheap at 90 bucks. Pero since we planned on watching a movie, di kami bumili.

I had a bento style meal while Jed settled for chigae. Feel namin mag soju, pero 2 lang kami and it's a week day and di namin alam gano kalakas ang soju. So we ate muna. Unni Anne, Jed's elder sister joined us a little later and we were able to persuade her to try soju. We ordered kimpab para may pulutan.

Wow, men! Soju tastes like cough syrup. Si Jed, di nya type. Ako, okay lang. Feeling ko, with a little lime or orange juice, it'll go down better, parang tequilla. It's an acquired taste. Naka dalawang full-glass shots lang kami each...konti lang din pala laman ng isang bottle.

So, Soju Resolutions were born.

Soju Resolution 1: No first moves via SMS. In this line, all contact informations in the mobile phone of RCTO shall be deleted. Memorizing it is also prohibited. (Ang tindi ko naman ata, kund ime-memorize ko pa yun. Number nga ng parents ko, di ko alam.)

Soju Resolution 2: If the other party makes the first move, RCTO shall keep all replies brief and to the point. (Ang hilig ko kasi magkwento pag sumasagot. Sinusulit ko ang 160 characters!)

Soju Resolution 3: 18 October 2005 will be the last time anyone would ever hear of the topic. It's not only period, it's book closed.

So there, my Soju Resolutions. I was able to do all three (yung pangatlo, we will test tomorrow.) I was succeeding na of ignoring him, kasi sya nag text. To tell me that this person wants him to save the pics at this network drive. Hmmmph.

Anyway, will post our Soju dinner next time. Di dala ni Kuya ang kanyang magic infrared. Medyo masungit na din sya ulit ngayon. I therefore conclude...Love, as a drug, wears off easily.

Shut Eye Realizations

O another "realizations" segment. Hi hi hi (yuck, I sound like somebody I dislike!)

It's amazing what a night's sleep can do. I actually didn't get much of a shut eye last night. I lay awake in bed, drifting in and out of semi-consciousness. I was listening to my mp3s, willing my mind to grab that thin thread of dreams...But even as I was starting to driff off, I'd realize the song playing is one of my faves and I'd return to reality. Sigh. I gave up at around the 20th song and viola! Sleep! Hurrah! Dreamless sleep, but sleep nonetheless.

Lapit na pasko! 63 days na lang sabi sa radio. Gawd, 63 days nalang broke ulit ako! Sana may magregalo ng laptop. Santa!!!! Yoohooo! I've been a good girl this year, promise!

Ramblings of a sentimental fool

I'm learning how to cope with a laptop whose LCD is only 1/3 useable. I'm learning to cope with my classes and the demands on the mind, time and caledar of a masteral student and public servant. I'm learning to cope with a whole lotta stress....

I think. =)

I wanna tell a story, but while the story is still beginning, I'd rather keep quiet for now. There might not be a story to tell afterall. What I am feeling may soon fade, the signs I've read may be wrong. The only friend I've told about it is Kuchee, and she advised me to just enjoy the feeling and the things that are happening while I could. And I want to do just that. Savor the feeling while they make me happy. My instincts and feelings may be too premature, but one has to grab happiness when it is given. There are too few of them sometimes.

I just want to be happy. I just want to be with someone who makes me smile, laugh, think. I just want to enjoy his company, our conversations...our time together. I don't want to think too much on what it could be, or where it could lead, or if it even if it is real...I don't want to complicate things by asking too much questions now when someday will be soon enough.

I like him. He makes me feel special. Beautiful, intelligent and precious. He spoils me, showers me with attention, and when we're together, he makes me feel I am the only one present.

For now, he'll be anonymous. He's not Mr. Shy Guy, but he has yet to make his feelings known, if there are any. I won't leap into conclusions, will just let things happen as they should. Sometimes I am scared that it's all just hype, that there's NOTHING there, that once again I became THE fool. But I also told myself I would sieze the day, do what my heart tells me to do, live with passion...

Gosh, I hate being the sentimental fool...But what can I do? I am a sentimental fool.

PS: I regret some of the things I declared recently...The things I said just to appear tough and unaffected. Things that seem to be the right thing to say at that moment.

Late Nights...

For two nights now, I've stayed in the office trying to complete my portion of our group's social campaign. It's about PUV drivers, road safety, road courtesy and discipline. It's very interesting, so much so that I'm driven to research a lot...even if it meant sacrificing my net surfing time. =)

I miss my laptop. If it were still fine, I'd be working at home...sniff sniff.

Nothing spectacular in my daily life.

Just wanna share Mr. Shy Guy's latest message: "It's an ordinary song for a special girl like you, from a simple guy that's so in love with you. I don't even have the look, no diamond to show and no limousine to take you were to go". O ha! Even if he just copied that somewhere, I was still shocked. But I needed to ask him, and I did: "Paano mo naman nasabi yun eh di mo pa ko talagang kilala?" Natameme ata. Di na sumagot. Hmmpp!

A was here kanina. Nagdeliver ng papers sa boss ko for signature. I think my admiration for him is waning now that we rarely see each other anymore. Out of sight, out of mind. Gosh, I miss being in love with love. **However, let's see what happens tomorrow. We're invited to a party, yung buong choir. May classes ako, may OT sya. Both of us will be coming from the office, so sabi nya sabay na kami. O ha! We asked another friend to come with us, para may transpo. Takot ata ang mujer (este ang mister! sorry, slip of the tongue) na mapag-isa with me. He he he.

Anyway, I have stories pa, pero dahil nanganganib na mabasa nya ito (dahil lagi syang malapit...) di ko muna kwento. Next time na...pag sure na ako na mas matimbang ang ego nya kesa sa curiousity. *wink*

Blues

I'm recovering from my bout of blues, but am now battling with flu. Yikes, rhyming pa. Hahaha.

Still busy with school, dance and my two choirs. Yesterday, during the Microfinance Summit, we sang the Pambansang Awit and a Filipino medley. I was planning not to go since my voice croaks like a frog's and no amount of pei pak wa helps. But since I've prepared myself for it, and they were saying andun si PGMA, go na lang ako. Yikes, 3 lang kami alto and 2 ang mikes for all. Wah, feeling ko, it was the best time to get a brown bag to cover my head. He he. Actually, after the songs, sabi nila pede na daw pang New York... New York? New York? Ah, New York Cubao!

Anyway, Mo. Nadine's retreat is forthcoming, and the dancers are busily preparing. Rush rush rush. All rush because there's only a month to go, and we're still preparing our dresses. Last Sunday, Uncle (Randy) and I rushed to Divisoria in a bid to complete the materials for the banners, tamborine tussels and dress accessories. It came to me that we're working on the costumes like a it's major production, but we've yet to focus on the patterns. I was thinking on focusing on the new dancers, since they've to learn how to strike and tap and swivel a tamborine the proper way, but all I can ask them is to bring home their tamborines so they can practice.

Okay, what else? Mr. Shy Guy apologized for not attending the concert. I think Marc may have told him that I asked him (Marc) about it. But well, that's the end of it all. I've chalked it all to (bad) experience. I wondered once why men could take two steps forward and suddenly turn tail, abandoning all their past efforts. Ay, iba talaga ang trip ng mga men!

Ayun. Basta marami nang lalaki sa buhay ko. Tatay ko, kuya Jing (asawa ng ate ko na mas mabait kesa sa ate ko), mga uncles ko (sa mother side), sanpits na makukulet at sweet, mga pusakal kong alaga na matatakaw at seloso, at si Rajeeve na kahit di akin ay sweet pa rin...

There's a Bitch in the House

There's a new bitch at home. Name's Rajah. But Raj's not at all pleased having her around. He's constantly barking at her. We reprimand him by saying that Rajah's his future partner. Yep, Rajah's our newest puppy.

She's quite heavier than Rajeeve...with bigger eyes and longer coat. She's also "typical" female - quiet and malambing. Thus, Rajeeve is always snapping at her - typical male!

Not much story to tell...I'm watching Attic Cat again, just to get that "kilig" feeling. I'm waiting for other Korean series, but I want something with a little comedy and a whole lot bickering. The one thing that turned me off Love Story in Harvard is that KRW and KTH were so "couple"ish from the beginning that there wasn't much anticipation.

Got a bum tummy for the past two days. I hoped I at least lost some weight, a consolation for all those miserable moments spent inside the loo...but alas! Not even a sigle gram ata.

Anyway, still waiting for chingu's letter...think she's also too busy these days. Hay. Life! I wanna go home.

PS: He said "I love you" in public (yesterday). But of course, it was a joke.

So Long...Farewell

I've been saying farewell to a lot of things these days...

I've said my final goodbye to Mr. Shy Boy. I invited him to our concert, and he said he was coming. He texted me to say he's already infront of our building...and the next message was that he got cold feet and went back home. Instinct told me it was time to say "You're out!".

I'm saying goodbye to a crush. Parang nako-konfirm ko na nga na di kami talo. Pareho kaming mujer.

I want to say goodbye to a person, who, for the past couple of weeks, had become sort of my chika. I don't know why suddenly, the atmosphere between us has turned cold. So rather than press him (and myself) for explanations, I'm closing the chapter. People are also starting to misread our friendship, as proven during today's lunch.

I want to say goodbye to some of my old feelings...and to the people for whom those feelings were intended. I thinkI've carried enough baggages for so long. I'm tired of looking back memory lane whenever we are together.

I want to say goodbye to my happy-money-spending-go-lucky way. Hey, hindi ako gastador, pero I think I've bought one too many techtoys already. The cost of the lcd repair is going to cost me helluva lot, so want it or not, no new shoes for the time being. Gawd, I hope I can stay sane! Shoes! Shoes! I love shoes!

I'm watching a whole lotta Korean series again. I've My Name is Kim Sam Soon, Bom Nal (Springday of my hot kimchi Jo In Sung), Sassy Girl Chunyang and Jewel in the Palace line up. I'll be busy reading lips and mimicking "oppa" again. Ha ha ha. Hopefully, too busy to think about my turning-to-be-a-little-miserable life.

PS

I attended PM afterall. Nagaaya nga si Dodong (codename ng kaberks ko sa BSSingers) maginuman. Sa mood ko kagabi, I wanted to drown my depression talaga. But not infront of the whole world naman. Plus, puro kaya sila men (boys and men and lolos, the whole lot, from tenors to bass) kaya I just went to PM. May talk si Father Alex. Third of the series about prayer. I wanted to go home and sleep, but I have to take the attendance for the BCM talks which was being given simultaneously with the prayer series. Hay. I should really have gone to bed nalang and let sleep take over.

Bad trip. I was scolded infront of a lot of people, by one of the elders who was giving the BCM talk(who was the husband of my sheepkeeper pa naman), for being rude and impolite. Imagine. I was just obeying the servant leader's instruction to remind him that the prayer talk is finished. It took a moment for the words to sink in. I was standing by the door, talking with another elder about the dance ministry. When the words registered, I really couldn't take it anymore. Sabi ko, pag sumunod ka sa inutos, papagalitan ka. Pag hindi ka sumunod, papagalitan ka pa rin. Hmmp. Yep, said that infront of the elder. Then I cried. Cried for all I was worth. Cried for all this friggin' miseries were worth.

I don't know why I'm bawling. Sure, lcd repair would cost me as much as the laptop, but it's just money. I'm crying because I'm mad. I feel it's so unfair that this should happen. I've so many questions to God. You'd think being in the renewal, I should know better. Believe me, when you're left alone in the desert, and you get more sand when you asked for water, you'd feel the way I do. Sometimes, I just want to know why He doesn't seem to hear me, or want to grant my requests. It's not as if I ask for the world...or anything impossible. It's not as if by asking for them, I'd rob somebody else of their's.

Hay. Miserable till now.