The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

The Good:

1. Dad's getting better. He is over the first hurdle (Cycle 1) of his chemo.
2. Trip to Korea soon to become reality. Jed and I paid for our tickets already, filed for vacation leaves and got SARS certification.
3. Finished the most interesting MMPA class last Saturday - Organization and Management. Prof. Acop is intelligent, soft-spoken, and a cutee. And yes, Perry, he is better-looking than you and Kel combined. He doesn't look a day older than 35. =P
4. Lost a bit weight. Eeetsy-bitsy.
5. Finally got around to buying jogging pants and shirts for my gym obsession. Went to Tutuban for some cheapies. He he he. Got shoes, slippers and a few knick knacks on the side.

The Bad:

1. Earrings were snatched on the way to Tutuban.
2. Musical Director not always in a fine mood. Kept on scolding the Tenors, which is a shift from the usual Bass bashing, but still, not good for the morale of everyone.
3. Haven't gotten around to borrowing from Eve cds of Wonderful Life.
4. Five days leave on May for Korea = 5 days off from work, gym and local TV

The Ugly:

1. No earrings for the time being. Ears are slightly wounded and sore due to Something Bad #1.
2. Got so pissed off and started wishing bad things to happen to the thug responsible for Something Bad # 1. Now feel guilty. So un-Christian-like.
3. Have humongous appetite the size of China. Don't ask why.

W'sup?

So what's up with me?
Nothing. Just the same old thing.

Home (sleep, bathe, get dressed) ---> Office (work, eat, play around, work) ---> Gym (stretch, sweat, breathe!!, sweat some more) ---> Home (repeat procedure)

I'm finally shutting out the MSG from the system. I really feel guilty that I reply to his messages, nevermind if I've pointed out that we can't be more than friends. Over the holy week, he was my constant text mate, but someone told me I might be letting him think he stands a chance. So now...much as I feel sorry because he's so clueless and still sends me messages n times a day, I really believe this will benefit him in the long run. Don't spend your money on me, boy...kahit piso piso text lang yan (At nag switch pa sya to Globe so he can UNLIMITXT me!)

As for the other toys...I promise, I'll stop playing na. Mahirap makarma. Yun lang.

Holy Week Reprieve

Spending holy week with my pregnant older sister here in Cainta (Taytay, actually). For the first time in so many many days, I can laze around the house. Hehehe. Feeling princess, hindi naman akin ang palasyo! Wahhh!

No assignments to think about (although I have to re-write some portions of my case study). No website to worry about. No gym to prepare for (Anong preparation???!!! Dusa kasi ang weights!). No boys, no toys. Semana Santa eh. Hehehe.

It's also the first time in so many years that my sister and I are bonding...she's been married snce 2004 and we hardly had time to bond like we used to.

Ang mga Magulang (our newest term for our parents) will be here tomorrow so dad can spend some time away from the hustle, bustle and pollution of Quezon City. =)

For now, my mind is totally empty. What a refreshing thing!

Faith. Hope. Love. Family. Friends.

Good news: There is hope yet!

For the past couple of days, I've been walking in a trance. Crying. Working. Eating. Running and working myself out to exhaustion. I wanted my body to be so tired that my mind cannot do anything but to accede to it's wish to just retire for the night and think the next day.

But last Saturday, the dreaded trip to the oncologist turned to be a merry one. Not only was the whole Tabamo clan came to celebrate my mom's 60th birthday, but there was good news from the doctor.

The lung cancer diagnosis was challenged, and dad would have to undergo more test. But the bottom-line is that whatever it is, the disease is curable.

Of course, it is still at the back of my mind that dad is still in pain. That it could still be another form of cancer. That in the long run, my parents are growing old and would eventually...That now, I would have to take on more responsibilities..like taking care of myself. Paying more bills. Checking out if my sisters are still okay. Letting my mom know she could concentrate on dad and I'll take care of the rest.

I'm being pushed to maturity...and it's long overdue. I've been acting like a teener all my adult life. Nothing to worry about but myself. My travel dreams. My career path. My lovelife. My financial goals. And I'd run to mommy when everything's in shambles. Now, in a few days' time, my real age is dawning on me. ^^ Except I still look like a teener. (This is my blog, you can get out anytime you want! hehehe.)

And one more thing. Friends. A lot of them. I never realized how many of your friends will be true when crisis comes. Those I've been calling Friends were sadly missing in action. And those I never really looked at proved to be treasures. The ones I was constantly with, calling my brother and sisters...not even one message to tell me to hang on, or to tell me to be strong. I don't feel angry, just sad. All those time wasted trying to please them so we could be friends...and here, there are these people I never really mingled with...who kept vigil with me, in daily prayers and messages of hope and faith.

Truly, in each rocky path are strewn treasures. Faith. Hope. Love. Family. Friends.

Sorrow

I want to cry...endless rivers of tears
I want to flood my desert with it

I want to shout at the world
At everything
Pour my entire being into anger and sorrow
And all else that would make me forget

But I have to be strong
At least pretend to be

My entire world is crumbling
And I can't do anything
Except watch the pieces fall one by one