My Hell of a Week

This week's been pretty hectic. We had rehearsals everyday and the stress level of the entire group really reached saturation point. I myself felt like screaming at some of them for heckling, for not paying attention, not memorizing their steps, squabbling and complaining, not attending practices, talking and talking...

I had been busy as well with the video presentation. I made two videos...one showing the chorale's history, their pictures from previous concerts and contests, visits to the senate and the palace. The second one is to give thanks to our musical director, our adviser, the lot of us who sacrificed our time, talents and treasures for this particular endeavor...I feel so drained now as though a blanket just covered my sun.

My laptop's lcd screen is broken. Yesterday afternoon, after rehearsals, I joined by colleagues for merienda and sat on a plastic stool. My laptop was in a backpack (for laptops) on the floor beside me because I was planning to work on the videos. One of the legs of my stool gave way and I ended up on a heap on the floor...unfortunately, slightly on top of my laptop. I tested it to see if everything'f fine, but the bottom right of the screen had a crack. I was worried, angry with myself and very sad. But I was able to use it the entire night to edit and finish the videos.

But this morning, the whole screen's completely wasted. A diagonal cut runs from upper left to bottom right and unless you connect the laptop to a computer monitor, the entire unit's totally useless. I cried. I swear I had to leave the dressing room for a while to cry my eyes out. We had to borrow my department's laptop to be able to show our videos.

The only good thing that happened was our concert. At least, it was successful. I am proud to be a BSSinger. That all the efforts paid off. That I have something to show for all the afternoons I was gone from the office on official time just to attend rehearsals. I smiled and accepted all the praises and thank yous that I got. My doubts about staying on at the chorale were eliminated.

Still, back to reality. There's a broken lcd that needs fixing. I am so angry because I had been so careful of this techtoy. I had spend endless moments debating on the merits of acquiring one. I had to endure some "money-saving" days to afford it (and some of my techtoys). All for naught.

I am so depressed I can't stop writing. I don't want to attend prayer meeting tonight. I feel so tired and wasted and down. I know it's not good to be skipping PMs just because bad luck deigned to feast on me. Sigh. ** So okay, masenti na naman ako. kill me!

Ang pamamaalam

Mr. Shy Guy said his goodbyes last night. He began with apologies for disturbing me, then thank yous for my replies and attention...He asked me to pray for him always and that it would be his last message to me.

Golly, I was curious, and if there's anything that can grab my attention, it would be "mysteries". I told him he's quite a flare for the dramatics, and if he's dying or leaving or whatever. He didn't answer that, but texted back another apology...and more goodnights. Okay. I can just shrug my shoulders at that (I was watching Loving You vcds).

It made me think...What brought this on? I have several theories:

1. He's sick and really dying (ala Korean telenovela. Waw, sinusundan ako ng aking mga addictions!)
2. He's found a job as an OFW (malabo...)
3. He hit his head and natauhan sya ("Man, pare, babae ba yun talaga?")
4. He hit his head and natauhan theory 2 (Ano bang pede kong ipagmalaki sa kanya...wala akong trabaho...di ako nakatapos...eh siya...drama)
5. Nakabuntis ng ibang girl (uy, uso ito, promise!)
6. May nakitang iba (ibang ano???)
7. Na gets na nya na hanggang friends na lang talaga kami (can read between the lines, in short)

O ayan, I didn't have to break his heart ha...Sabi nga, just let the tide ebb and flow. Eventually, people go their own way when left to their own devices.

PS: Said my goodbye na rin din. I told him I'll always include him in my prayers. I ended with a "bye". This morning, he replied. Would you believe, he asked where I was going?! This prompted me to tell him it was he who was bawling last night and saying goodbye. I asked him if he was drunk. Surprise! surprise! Yes.

Men!

Chingu

안녕, 친구아! How was your trip home?

Saturday afternoon, I fetched unni Eun Jung (Louise) from her hotel, Mandarin Oriental. She would be staying at my house overnight until her flight on Sunday (today) after lunch. I was so excited to have her over that I bought a sofa bed. I had to forego some of my usual activities (choir and dance practice) to show unni around.

I' m really thankful that Jed, my colleague and fellow Korean culture fan, agreed to come with us. We decided to go to Gateway Mall instead of exploring Timog/Tomas Morato since three years ago, duon na rin namin sila dinala. Randy wasn't able to make it (He's one of unni's favorite teachers, hehehe!) but Paul met us for dinner. Unni Eun Jung was always game. We had a big dinner at Burgoo and coffee at The Coffee Beanery. We stayed and chatted until 11 pm...my mother was already texting me and was worried...I think she was dying to meet my friend more than she's worried about me getting kidnapped. Hehehe.

We stayed up late, and I forced (take note!) her to listen to me singing Korean songs (Maegi and Noon Eh Ggot). I told her she couldn't eat breakfast if she did not compliment my Korean pronunciation! Seriously, she's so generous with her praises that I felt like blushing (sa kulay kong ito???) everytime she'd tell me my pronunciation is perfect. Ha ha! Singing is so different from talking, I told her, but I promised to improve on my spoken Korean, nonetheless.

Mostly, we compared our culture and talked about family. We gossiped about Randy (well, actually, we speculated on how old Randy really is - good thing he doesn't know this blog existed or I'll be done for) and Korean stars. She is quite amazing for someone who often says she's not fluent in English. Her grammar and vocabulary are both quite good. Ako pa yata naubusan ng English eh!

I woke up early and didn't want to wake her up. She needs to be at the airport three hours before her flight, so I let her sleep around for a bit. I contemplated on not really waking her up until it's too late so she'll be forced to stay an extra night, but I got scared of Korean wrath. Ha ha ha. Baka isumpa ako, tuluyan ko nang hindi makikilala ang aking mga oppa!

My mom prepared a big big breakfast. She took out the entire content of our ref. Kahit ako, nanlaki mga mata ko sa dami! There were kutchinta and niyog, buchi, tuyo (salted fish), a kind of soup/stew which turned out to be my dong saeng's experiment, tofu, longganisa, tomatoes, pandesal, bottled kimchi, fried rice, cottage cheese, melon, and grapes. But unni was not as voracious an eater as I am, so she ate mostly fruits, though she enjoyed the longganisa and pandesal.

After breakfast, we washed up and got dressed. My mom insisted on us taking her to the airport because, well, obvious ba, hindi naman ganun ka-safe and streets natin especially for foreigners, even if it's still morning. On our way to the airport, we had last minute chika pa. Since di rin kami papasukin sa loob, and there were plenty of people already lining up (due to Ramadan yata, daming Muslims eh), we just dropped her off, said our brief goodbyes and promised to write as soon as possible. Talagang hindi ko linya ang magpaalam, I am clueless as to what to do, so as finale, I gave her a hug.

She should be in Korea now, snuggled in bed, ready to take on her new job tomorrow. We met briefly three years ago, exchanged correspondences until now, and I hope we'd be able to maintain our friendship even across seas. Ay ang drama ko na naman, noh?

Basta next time, ang linya ko: Korea, chingu, here I come!

PS: No pictures...chingu's wishes. Lol.

Louise and Julia

Last night, Jed and I met my chingu Louise (김은정) and her colleague Julia. I was practicing my Korean grammar and vocabulary hours before our date, but seeing them, I got tongue-tied and I ended up just saying "Hi! How are you!"... This is the case where all thoughts flee and am left with just pure excitement. Lol.

We had dinner at Recipes. At first, Jed and I were thinking of going to a Korean place, but they wanted a taste of Filipino cuisine. Greenbelt 3 wasn't teeming with yuppies, last night being a weekday (and no-pay day, if I may add) so tables were easy to get.

I was quite shocked to see Louise slim and petite. I haven't seen her for three years, and her e-mails tell me she's fat and plain blah blah. Got the shock of my life to see her slimmer than I am! If she's the biggest in her group, Jed and I would be obese. She must be all of 100 lbs. I definitely need to correct her vocabulary. Louise, girl, fat is like 130 lbs for a 5' frame. You're definitely not fat!!!!

We had coffee at Coffee Beanery after dinner (I still rate Starbucks as my fav). Small talk, chika...It was so fun talking with Louise and Julia. We were laughing a lot...even if I ran out of english already! Before we knew it, it was already 11 pm. We had to say goodnight and drop the two ladies off at their hotel. They have a whole day teambuilding seminar until Saturday, and Jed and I need to go to work early, too.

PS: Louise said she saw Lee Dong Gun in a LV shop and didn't recognize him first...he looked ordinary...We told her if Lee Dong Gun could look ordinary in Korea...well, we're definitely migrating to Korea soon!!! lol.

*********************
Last night's date brightened my somewhat bleak day. Seminar was boring, practice was ... disappointing...I think water in my dreams meant a little heartbreak...but nothing that I can't survive.

On the Shy Guy front...still the same.

*Beauty commonly produce love, but cleanliness preserve it. I do believe the Lord above created you for me to love. He picked you from all the rest because He knew I love you.*

*I don't know how long you could keep me...if am not begging you to keep holding on but just allow me to let you stay and live in my heart....until the crabs learn to fly...*

Sandali ha, where does he get all these stuff? Is there a courting via SMS handbook for sale? Could somebody please burn them for me??? Lol.

Updates

I'm in a seminar right now...would you believe it...Internet Media and Gallery. Yikes, I would have given my slot to another person, but I've skipped three seminars already and it won't look good in the "Admin Efficiency" portion of my PEF. Hay. =( This is time wasted.

I dreamed of the same beach again. This time, I didn't actually see the sea, but I dreamed that I was at the beach that I dreamed of...I was telling someone, "Hey, that is the beach house in my dream and this is the beach blah blah..." Pretty weird, huh? I've given up trying to figure out what it meant...Maybe this is my body's way of telling me I need to drink lots of water because I'm getting dehydrated. Ha ha ha!

Anyways, Mr. Shy Guy is not not not subte anymore. Give him points for persistence...and politeness. He calls me Ms. D. Hehehe. This is a first.

Anyway, I wonder how my friends are doing? Wahhh, I miss them so much. I haven't got much free time lately.

Louise is here already, by the way. She'll be staying at Mandarin Oriental till Saturday morning. She'll sleep at our house on Saturday night. I'm really excited!

Dreams, New Toy & Shy Boy

My dreams were so vivid that when I woke up, I had to remind myself where I was. For two consecutive nights, dreamed of beautiful blue skies and beautiful blue oceans. In my first dream, I was with friends, and the guy I liked was there. We were on a beach, the sky was clear and blue. I was running towards the "resthouse", leaping, laughing merrily as I looked up at the sky. But I know I was struck by the serene beauty of the sea. It was blue. Sparkling and fresh and clean.

The second night, I dreamed of the sea again. This time, I was in a boat or a submarine, submerged in water. The sea was a bit rough, but it was not threatening. The waves tossed our little boat around, and I could see the water outside my window. It was blue...clean and fresh and strong.

I wonder what my dream meant. I've always believed dreams tell us something, a past unforgotten, a present unresolved and a future awaiting...The fact that it was so vivid excites me.

***************
Today, I bought a new toy. Zen Micro mp3 player cum data storage cum digital voice recorder. I'm usually reluctant to purchase using my credit card, but this one time won't hurt since it's a lot cheaper than an iPod, but with bigger capacity. I'm still counting the "ouches" in my pocket (future "ouches", actually, to come during my monthly bills)...but considering that I am an audio person (I remember almost everything I hear than see), it's an investment worth the ouches. =)

***************
Mr. Shy Guy is asking me out. He's finally coming out of his shell to make his intentions known. This time, I am now thinking of how to "break it to him gently". I just recently discovered that, my golly, he's just a highschool grad! Errr, not to be discriminating or what, but I do have to set standards. I'm not looking for Mr. Perfect, with an IQ equivalent to Einstein's nor a bank account to rival Bill Gates, I just want someone I can consider my level...is that too rude or what???

I have not yet closed my door. There is room for friendship, and I think that's all I can ever offer. Anyhows, I hope I can encourage him to go back to school and make something of himself first.

LSS Today

Don't have anything new to post, except that I feel my dad would have to retire soon due to his recurrent back pain. I don't want to think about the possible consequences...I pray that God will lead us the way.

Meanwhile, this is my Last Song Syndrome for the day. We'll be singing it on the 3oth, part of our repertoire, and one of our musical director's favorite song. I'm singing it....

If I loved you
Time and again I would try to say
All I want you to know
If I loved you
Words wouldn't come in an easy way
Round in circles I'd go

Longing to tell you but afraid and shy
I'd let my golden chances pass me by

Soon you'd leave me
Off you would go in the mist of day
Never, never to know
How I loved you...
If I loved you...

That's exactly how I feel. I desperately want to tell someone of my feelings, except that I am not so sure WHAT I am feeling. Knowing me, it's just some unexplainable need to have someone to think of, that will make me "kilig". My feelings are so volatile. I am not even sure it's to HIM I want to say my UNSURE feelings! Right now, I have (hmmmm) 3 guys on my mind. Eenie, meenie, miny moe...

Blooper

I told myself no matter how excited I got, no matter how [insanely] happy it made me, no matter how trivial it could be, I won't talk about * anymore. It's just a bug bite and I don't want it to turn into a disease just because I couldn't resist scratching it.

Dear Diary,

* sat beside me today. He's slightly cute. (Ha ha!). Sabi nya....well, marami kaming jokes, di lang naman kaming dalawa yung nasa table. Tapos...tapos...oh, diary, I can't bear it! It's too ...too...shocking to even think about it. He took my tetra pack and drank from it. My straw! My drink! You friggin' slop, you drank from my straw! Eeeeyyyyyyaaaawww! Ha ha ha. It could have been kilig, but I have an aversion to sharing utensils etc. with others. That's his blooper, though I can't imagine how he could mistake my drink for his when it's several inches away from him.

Yours forever,

Danniel
(091305)

New Boy Toy

I have a new "love". I think I loved him the moment I laid eyes on him. And who wouldn't? He's so cute, even if he's small. He's malambing, sweet and doesn't nag. He likes to cuddle and snuggle and won't make tampo when I call him "panget" (an endearment). Even my mom likes him.

My sister owns him, but it's okay to share. =)

Here are his pics.



A friend of my sister gave him to her. He's so cute and lovable. He follows you around and doesn't seem to want to sleep. He has big eyes. White, chocolate and beige colors. My sister calls him Rajiv (after hours of searching for and discussing names!).

Broken Chords

i was wrong
about so many things
about him
about us
it was all a joke
a dream at its best
now i close my eyes
and my doors
and wake from this
sleep

**********************************

it's amazing how fast a ball can roll once you give it a slight push
it gains momentum and becomes harder to stop after a while...
i often regret pushing the ball, just to give myself entertainment

...is crying an entertainment?

it's amazing how quickly you can convince yourself of loving someone
once you decide you do have feelings for him
and afterwards, even when there was nothing really
it becomes harder to convice yourself it never existed

Touch and Go

Our concert was moved yet again, at the end of this month. Meaning, the Singers have an additional 2 weeks to prepare...memorize the lyrics, memorize the steps and gain confidence. I am now wondering if we'll ever push through with it. He he he.

For now, my life is touch and go. No plans for anything. Whatever comes up, I deal with first. I'm a little lazy these days; perhaps because the same old routine is getting my system frayed up. So many things going, but nothing of importance actually. I'm still looking for a nice pair of gold shoes to go with the gold gown we'd be wearing for the concert. I'm still trying to decide when to go to Korea. I'm still discerning about the so many questions in my life.

I do have something to look forward to...and that is my chingu's visit to the Philippines! 야후! 친구야, 청말 보곱집다! 노래방에 가요! (I hope that's correct...)

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

"xnsya k na, d me nkreply agad! ung pone k knkain ang lod! ingat k s pguwi. nktex me n lng! s pone k mgreply ha! gudnite! -*name*"

i told him i was at the mall, looking for gold shoes to wear for the concert.

"basta ingat k sa pguwi ha! uwi k agad pg my nbli k na!"

“UWI K NA PG NKBLI KA HA! GABI N KACI EH! TKE CRE! “

“NKBLI K NA?”

My reply to this was a vague “hindi pa” because it is hard to find low-heeled shoes, I have small feet and my partner is not that tall for high heels, and not to worry about me coz I am “siga” sa kalsada.

“MLPIT N mgsara ang mal! Pwde b mgtex k pg dyan k n s bhay nyo! Ciga ha! Nkktakot ka! ha ha!”

“UWI AGAD PG NKBLI HA! MY ESCORT DIN B AKO DYAN!”

Before I could stop myself, I texted back "Wow, demanding!"

He did a complete turn-around. From Mr. Shy Guy to Mr. Exclamation Point. It's so out of character that I had to re-read his messages. It got me to thinking...is he reading my blog??? He he he. I doubt he knows "Winterfire".

Fears

I am scared, the way I get "kilig" just by being around him, when he looks at me, or holds my hand or stands next to me. It's all a part of the show and exactly why I want to stop feeling so infatuated. I am scared that I am encouraging myself to feel this way although it will soon come to end. We'd all take a final bow, the curtains will close and we'll have to act the way we were. I am scared he knows already. I am scared that I may look like a fool. I am scared that I may just be kidding myself. I am scared of the uncertainty itself.

Reality Dream

It is weird, my dreams are becoming reality. No kidding. Hey, not my fantasies, ha (as in Jo In Sung/Jang Dong Gun marries me blah blah blah)!

I posted, several days back, a dream wherein my Korean chingu was in my bedroom, here in the Philippines. Well, what do you know. She IS coming here! She just told me last night, and i was really happy and excited of meeting her again after more than two years.

I didn't post this next dream but i told Jed about it. But in it, i was so scared because I was made to sing solo in the choir. The soprano who would have sung it backed out and I was chosen to sing it. An alto with stage fright the size of China! In that same dream, I would have to sing with Mr. Singer Guy.

Oh di va. Yesterday, I posted the developments on him?

Me wonders what's next. It is exciting and at the same time, scary because some of my dreams are not plesant.

Oh well....

Oh Happy Day!

Patty said "Whoever comes first".

Well, though I have decided to, err..., exchange thoughtful, inspirational messages with Mr. Shy Guy, I think it's really going kaput. Though I like him because he is shy, I also dislike him because he is, precisely that, SHY. My friends tell me he might be just slow or torpe but if he goes a little slower, he'd be moving backwards. Sheeeze!

Well, developments on the OTHER front. Mr. Singer Guy. Well, I'm so excited about what happened that I can't even make proper kwento.

"When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." Paolo Coehlo, The Alchemist.

Did I want it that bad? A few days ago, I was envisioning it happening. But I didn't know how it could happen. I certainly don't want to push it. But whoa! It was there and I am grateful and happy. And it so happened that it looked like HE was the one who wanted it. I was not suppose to be his partner, he had just asked someone to switch and be his partner. I was not even suppose to join the "main" dancers. But someone asked me to trade places, too. He learned of the switch and promptly returned the other dancer to her original partner. Before I knew what was happening, we were holding hands and singing to each other. Oh, be still my heart! (Yikes, ang baduy!) He was quite funny and (I'd like to think...trying to) show off.

Temporary insanity. This is what is it. Infatuation is a good opiate. I need something to liven up my boring existence!

Weekend News

My friends told me my blog was too senti...

Wahhhh! Yikes, well, I am completely at a loss for words.

Anyways, the weekend passed pretty fast. Classes started Saturday at about 11 am and our professor yakked on and on for nearly 5 hours. By the time she heard our stomachs growling, I was certain I was going to pass out due to hunger (and boredom)...It wasn't even formal classes yet, just "socialization".

After a quick lunch, I rushed to choir practice, which ended at about 9 pm. I was too tired to do anything at home, so I lullabyed myself to sleep. I had dance practice next morning at 9. I texted Iyos if we'd push through with the earlier sched but no replies. I called Cathy and Ms. Marah (my boss) to ask what time we'll go to Ms. Dig's wake. No replies. I wanted to hurl my fone against the wall...Thinking about the miserable hungry days I had to endure to buy that fone, I changed my mind. I wanted to hurl my head, instead. Of course, I had to detach it from my body first. =)

When, by morning, there were still no messages, even balance updates by the network, I recalled Ivy's explanation and re-started my fone, made calls, muttered incantations and promised to be ag good girl. Miracles of miracles, about 20 messages started to pour in. Several were, of course, from him.

Patty girl, in case you're reading, I changed my mind and decided to "entertain" for while. Remember what I said about just needing someone to "play" with? Hahahaha. I don't intend to break someone's heart (who knows, it might be my own heart at stake), because I think he'll realize pretty soon that we're not compatible. Anyways, it's still a long shot to go. We could be friends naman muna. In several years, malay natin...pag stable na sya, at matino na ako...

Sunday, after dance practice and mass, there was a big party at home for my dad's 60th birthday. I got tired just standing in the middle of the dining area, looking at all my kins. I went to my room and slept. Woke up and rushed to meet Jed, so we can attend Ms. Dig's wake. Was home by 9 pm.

It was pretty exhausting. I woke up today feeling lazy, but it's a Monday, and I have a living to earn.

=)

Goodbyes...

Mama Jopen's leaving for Australia again...This time, the only chance I'll get to see her is to visit her blog (which is of course, linked from this site...). The gang spent the night at Prince 2, our favorite overnight hang-out, interrogating Patty about her newly acquired "in a relationship" status, Jopen on her "almost drained counter", and each other on the status of our [hybernating/non-existent/zero] lovelife. We booed and laughed at the housemates of Pinoy Big Brother and watched a DVD of F4 (the beginning, but not necessarily the end, of this all...).

I woke up at 5, took a shower, had coffee. From our window, I watched the sleeping city being bathed in sunlight. Ahh, a good day. I wished I could linger more in bed (well, technically, even the floor becomes a bed when one sleeps on it) and enjoy breakfast with my friends who are on "scheduled/advanced" sick leave (Read Bambi: Advanced get well soon!). But I have work today. With my frequent choir practice, I'd be thick-skinned if I took a leave of absence today.

I said goodbye to Mama Jopen - in writing. She was sleeping so soundly that I feared for my life should I wake her up (hahaha!) No amount of pan-banging and kettle-blowing could wake these people up. I know from past experience that they slept at around 3 in the morning (sapilitan pa!).

I thought my day would be bright, but we have yet to say goodbye to another person. Our colleague, Miss Digna, said her goodbye after a heart surgery. It was as much a shock to me as to all who knew her. Just a few weeks ago, we were teasing her for her new wardrobe, her colorful skirts, new accessories, new hairstyle. She was young and funny (despite being a boss) and always there. That was just it. She was always there. People teased her that she already has a property number because she's always there, sitting on her table, working...eating...and working.

Incidentally, today is also my dad's birthday...I feel guilty that I spent the eve giving a despedida...and planning to go to Miss Digna's wake (which is also a sort of despedida, too). But my dad wants me to come home...understandable...eh birthday nya nga eh!

But the gloom of goodbye sometimes eclipses the sunshine of new beginnings. Maybe tonight, the heaviness will lift and dad's birthday candles will lend a light to my gloomy day.