PS

I attended PM afterall. Nagaaya nga si Dodong (codename ng kaberks ko sa BSSingers) maginuman. Sa mood ko kagabi, I wanted to drown my depression talaga. But not infront of the whole world naman. Plus, puro kaya sila men (boys and men and lolos, the whole lot, from tenors to bass) kaya I just went to PM. May talk si Father Alex. Third of the series about prayer. I wanted to go home and sleep, but I have to take the attendance for the BCM talks which was being given simultaneously with the prayer series. Hay. I should really have gone to bed nalang and let sleep take over.

Bad trip. I was scolded infront of a lot of people, by one of the elders who was giving the BCM talk(who was the husband of my sheepkeeper pa naman), for being rude and impolite. Imagine. I was just obeying the servant leader's instruction to remind him that the prayer talk is finished. It took a moment for the words to sink in. I was standing by the door, talking with another elder about the dance ministry. When the words registered, I really couldn't take it anymore. Sabi ko, pag sumunod ka sa inutos, papagalitan ka. Pag hindi ka sumunod, papagalitan ka pa rin. Hmmp. Yep, said that infront of the elder. Then I cried. Cried for all I was worth. Cried for all this friggin' miseries were worth.

I don't know why I'm bawling. Sure, lcd repair would cost me as much as the laptop, but it's just money. I'm crying because I'm mad. I feel it's so unfair that this should happen. I've so many questions to God. You'd think being in the renewal, I should know better. Believe me, when you're left alone in the desert, and you get more sand when you asked for water, you'd feel the way I do. Sometimes, I just want to know why He doesn't seem to hear me, or want to grant my requests. It's not as if I ask for the world...or anything impossible. It's not as if by asking for them, I'd rob somebody else of their's.

Hay. Miserable till now.