FLAME

Just as quickly as the spark caused the blaze, so the feelings now dies on its own, leaving in its wake charred memories. It was nothing out of the ordinary, no event to celebrate nor a tragedy to dismiss. It has served its purpose - provided warmth or caused a destruction. It is both friend and fiend, welcomed and feared. The source itself remains unconcerned, vaguely unaffected. It continues to burn, by itself, uncaring.

Like me. I am, afterall, Flame.

Confessions of a Fickle Mind 01

I know it was my fault. I only wanted to test the waters, not actually jump in. I had no intension of hurting anybody's feeling. I didn't know he'd misread my gestures, or see too much in them. I know sometimes being friendly can be misunderstood as "interested", but it's not so with me. Now, I am sorry that I put on the charms and was actually nice (rare times in my life) when I am not even in the least bit interested.

Am I bad or what?

Batang pumapasok ng lashing

At 4:20, ngayon pa lang ako naglu-lunch. Pano, the entire day eh parang iduduwal ko ang contents ng aking stomach. Wahhh! I'm the one in-charge of ordering lunch for the whole class, and we have Jollibee again...super meal.

Last night kasi, the group celebrated Ms. M's birthday at Bagaberde. Ayun, nasobrahan sa vodka at zombie (I think I drank the contents of one whole pitcher!). Did not get drunk as in susuray-suray drunk, but did wake up with a head ache the size of China. Spent an hour forcing myself to puke, as per experience, this would relieve me of my hang-over. However, since I ate a small dinner, I had nothing in my tummy but the tea I've been sipping for breakfast. Told my mom I have a migraine and she advised me to stay at home and rest. But being me...I went ahead and got to class a bit late (had to drop by Shopwise to buy a few packs of biscuits and styrocups). Ayun. During a break, Prof. made me sing...Papa Mon, of course, was guitarist. Sana hindi ako ibagsak ni Prof!

Now, nag calm down na ang tummy ko. Puro ako biscuit the whole day, and a small bar of chocolate to get my sugar up. Survived naman. Hay, I resolve never to get drunk again...if I have classes the next day...hahaha

This incident brought to mind the last time I got a hangover...sa Baguio, when the Youth Ministry got merry with two big bottles of tequila. I had to stay in bed the entire day while the rest of the gang went around Baguio. Plus, I had to suffer the gentle "sermons" of our Servant Leaders...Fortunately, they were more compassionate than mad, and I got extra TLC from them. BUT, on the way down to Manila, I had to keep my head inside a big black garbage bag to keep one measly apple digested. Ha ha ha. Buti na lang, sila Marc at Topet lang kasama ko dun sa van...Di masyadong nakakahiya kasi extended family.

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I'm not anymore finding "Fans Club" entertaining. Actually, I'm more scared now...not for my life or something. It's just weird. I don't know what to do with him. His messages are beginning to bother me. But I can't do anything drastic because he is a friend as well...and I think he doesn't mean me any harm.

Coo Coo

Someone named one-half of a pair of lovebirds after me. He asked me if it's okay, he just bought the pair. I told him Dhing isn't a feminine name, so he could use Flame, my personal symbol. (I'm a Saggy, Dragon year - both fire signs). Ayun. Hope the African Lovebird turns out fine...I read up on the Net about African Lovebirds, just so I'd know what kind of animal shares my name.

Here's something about Flame:




Lovebirds are social, noisy birds that emit a high pitched and sometimes annoying chirp. They are constant chatterers and noise is a sign of contentment. The Peachfaced is particularly outgoing, even aggressive, and is often territorial. This species is not suitable for life in a colony, unless lots of space is provided, as birds may attack each other viciously. However, the Peachfaced's outgoing personality makes it well suited to human contact and often means they make better pets then other lovebird species. As long as Peachfaced birds are given regular attention and interaction with an owner they can be kept individually or as pairs in cages inside the house. Hand-raised birds make particularly good pets. The eye-ring species do better in an aviary as they are happier in colonies and different eye-ring species can even be kept together providing they are not allowed to breed. Like most parrots, lovebirds are reasonably intelligent and can be excellent escape artists so they need a secure cage. They also like to chew and must always have something to nibble on such as non toxic and untreated pieces of wood, cuttlefish or bamboo.

Swak daw sa personality ko. Maingay, annoying...territorial...vicious. So dapat, ipagdasal ang lalaking lovebird! Nya ha ha ha. *Evil laugh*

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Bad trip sa Sunday night, imbes na at home and relaxed ako, I need to go to the office to upload some press releases. Super kainis, kasi it's not as if the Philippine economy will die if those PRs are not posted...Hmmp. Buti na lang, love ko boss ko. Ska sya din, papasok sya sa Monday. Ngayon, since nag aaya si Mr. Shy Guy ng simba ng Sunday, bakit di ko kaya ayain ito para di naman nakakatakot magtrabaho? Hitting two birds with one stone!

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Lagi ko naririnig tong kanta na to...lalo na pag gabi. Medyo may Last Song Syndrome factor ito, at medyo tumatama rin...This is the funny part of the song, yung "daldal" portion.

Mahal kita pero di mo lang alam

Hindi mo alam kasi hindi mo naman ako tinitignan

Ayaw mo naman itanong sakin kasi baka nga naman hindi naman ikaw

At hindi ko rin naman sayo sasabihin kasi ayoko pa sa ngayon na manligaw

Mahal kita pero hindi nga lang halataHindi halata kasi wala naman akong ginagawa

Hindi ako kumikibo hindi ako nagsasalita WALA

Pero hindi ako TORPE

Hindi ko lang talaga masabi sayo ng harapan

Mahal kita pero dehins mo pa rin ramdam

Hindi mo ko titignan di rin kita titgnan

Lagi mo lang akong pakikiramdaman lagi rin kitang pakikiramdaman

At araw araw tayong magdededmahan

Hanggang sa tayo ay magkabistuhan

Pero ngayong malapit nang matapos ang kanta ko

Nais kong magkaalaman na

Nais kong ako na rin ang magsabi sayo ng harapan

Kasi alam kong doon din naman ang tuloy nyan

At dalawa din lang naman ang posibleng sagot dyan oo o hindi

Kaya eto na sasabihin ko na para matapos na

At hindi na magka-tsismisan pa

Sasabihin ko na para wala nang problema

At para hindi na rin kayong lahat nabibitin pa

Asteg. Kung sana'y naririnig lang ito ng isang boylet...hahaha.

Goodnight

I'm surfing friendster again...sigh, because I've been long absent from the friendster scene. I forgot I've received many messages and requests. Hay naku, so meron pa ring paramihan-ng-friends-sa-friendster contest! Naka-ka miss din pala ang friendster...At may pakulo pa pala ito na pede mo makita sino nagvi-view ng profile mo!

Anyway, still pretty upbeat and hyper because I just came home from a "singing engagement"...The BS Singers were invited to sing 4 Filipino songs for the SEACEN dinner...of course, tatanggi ba kami? Pagkain lang katapat namin, wehehe. Ayun, twice ako nag dinner. Bad! I really have to go on a diet...BTW, anemic pala ako, as per result ng medical ko. Ay yay! For an anemic, ako ay healthy-looking...Mag gi-gym na ako, promise! Hanap lang me ng time. Feeling ko, talo ko pa nag ta-taebo pag nag pa-panic ako eh.

Hmmm, the one I was expecting to text did not. While the "fans club" was good text mate, kahit na paano. I feel bad...I think I should not reply na lang, kesa akalain niya...Ay ang gulo ko! Basta yun. Nakaka aliw na some people appreciate you. Ego trip ba? Shef, sobrang bad ko talaga.

Sabi ng officemate ko at ilang friends I'm just playing....but don't we all?

Updates...

Egad! Christmas is one month away! I still haven't started on my Christmas shopping...haven't got a list yet, or a budget! Pede bang IOUs muna issue ko, wehehehe? I've been planning to go to Divisoria (ang cheapskate???Kaw kaya maging government employee with an army of godchildren!) to buy stuff. But the Christmas spirit seems pretty lazy. Or maybe, EVAT killed it.

It's gonna be another lonely Christmas. Malamig talaga. Hahaha. Walang human blanket! Sheeze!

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Went to Tita Ester's funeral last night. Fr. Mario's sermon shook me up a little. How sad it would be to die alone, with no family or friend beside you. How lonely to live just waiting for the journey to end...This is one reason why, even if Single Blessedness rings merrily, I'm having second thoughts. Dying alone. No one to take care of me...But then, Wedded Bliss is no guarantee either.

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PS: I now have a "fans club". Sheeze!

Pigeonholes

Somebody told me stories of Mr. Shy Guy last night…and all I can say is that it makes me uneasy because there’s too much on his plate and nothing on mine. My friend was saying how nice and shy he is, but he did agree with me that it’s quite impossible given our backgrounds…Again, I repeat, it’s not because I think low of him, because I have yet to really get to know him, but because I know I will have to submit myself to the scrutiny of society. We might be in the 21st century, and I might be the modern woman, but my family and values are very much traditional.

Was able to surf friendster again last night…and boy, did I get so many revelations! I must admit I’ve become pretty “snobbish” as I got older. Papa Mon would even scold me “Ayan ka na naman, Dhing, nag ge-generalize ka na naman eh.” I got this pigeonholes for people and last night, I found out how wrong I had been with so many of them. Ay, palya na naman ang aking people skills! Tama si Rene.

So I’m keeping my mind open, my heart more forgiving. I need to see more of the world to know my “pigeonhole” needs a little remodeling. =)

Shopping et al

Planned to watch Harry Potter yesterday with dong saeng, but the lines in all 4 cinemas at SM were scary...so we ended up shopping. Brought some dough, but since Mastercard has a 1% rebate parang ang laki! sus!), my card got the special treatment yesterday...And now, I have to keep it chained and locked because ... I think I maxed it out... (liit kasi ng credit limit eh hahaha) Bought two pairs of shoes, two pairs of denims for myself. Two pairs of denim and a pair of shoes for Gie (which I'll take out of her allowance - yikes, para akong mommy!) and a pair of sandals for Mom. Wasn't able to buy anything for dad, but will look at Superman shirts at SM Harrison today. =) Now, even if I wanted to start Christmas shopping, it would have to wait til next pay day...which is...TOMORROW! yehey! I love weekly paydays!

I love shopping. Now...shopping and spending are two different things. I like to look around, but I have a hard time deciding on what I like because I have this definite, specific thing in my mind, and when it's not met, I'd pass up the good finds...Ehem, sounds like my lovelife, eh? Anyways, my relatives accuse me of being "kuripot" (tightwad!) but it's not so. I splurge on what I like (good food, videoke, travel, shoes, books and knick knacks) and skimp on the blah necessities.

Anyway, my dongsaeng told me I am very discriminating (told her about Mr. Shy Guy) and that I should give "people" a chance. I'm still very wary, after all, even if I'm playing games, it's not without a price. I don't want them to get the wrong idea (vs. what I always do, damn it!) and hurt them.

Mr. Shy Guy called yesterday and asked if I've already heard mass..and I had to lie through my teeth and tell him I'm hearing mass with my family (which would actually be true any given Sunday) and he sounded a little disappointed. I don't think I'm willing (yet) to give him that chance. Told him we could chat on first Friday of December, though. Sigh.

Incidentally, I was cleaning up my drawers yesterday and got hold of my diaries. One was missing - the one with all my beautiful memories of APA - post debut. I read the old diaries and laughed at how immature we were even during college days. How excited I got when he scrubbed my hands during lab class (my barkadas were so kilig when I told them this). How frustrated I was when we were not on talking terms. How happy I was when he would call and we'd exchange corny jokes, even if I'd get scolded for telebabad. I read our conversation about dying before he reached 25 years old, and got goosebumps...because he died before he reached his 25th year. I remembered the time he (jokingly) asked me to marry him (Will you marry me, my sweet sexy darling housewife?) over the phone and I answered no ("because we're still too young" I replied to his "why?"). Life has certainly brought me lots of surprises, a few of them beautiful and a few of them regrettable...I wonder where we'd be if I had answered "yes"...

I regret that I'm missing that one diary...where could it be? Sometimes, memories are all we have of dear old friends...We might have burned bridges we've crossed, but we could always keep the ashes.

Dancers' Pic at the retreat

La lang. Just scanned this today. =) From left to right: Emelyn, Irish, Geneva, Jambo, Ronald, Joel, Lolo Meong, Meeh, Iyos.

Cute namen. He he. Taken last Nov. 12 at the Meralco Theatre, after the afternoon Praise and Worhsip session, and we can change clothes and relax. Truth be told, the whole day, we couldn't afford to drink plenty of liquids because it was too troublesome to pee (belt, dress, camisa and half slip, leotards, tights and finally, underwear...)

Hmm, beginning to miss Sunday practices...

BSP Idol

Probably got asked this for the hundredth time today:

Why didn't you join the BSP Idol? (Bakit 'di ka sumali sa BSP Idol?)*

And this is my final answer: Because I can't sing, darn it! He he he... of course, choir singing is a million stone's throw away from pop/solo singing.

My other excuses:

1. I still have my self-preservation instincts. I firmly believe in the golden rule. I am numero uno pintasera. 1=1.

2. It would be grossly unfair to others for me to join. With my extensive background and experience in singing....la la la...walang kokontra. This is my blog.

3. Stage fright. I have all species of butterflies breeding in my stomach during performances (Numero uno truth)

4. I'm too busy to practice (big truth)

5. I'm a better dancer than I am a singer (which is actually true, but I'll never be as goos as Iyos)

6. The price money ain't worth my time (yep, and all the kaba in the world)

Bruises

Went to have my annual medical check-up at Manila Doctors' last Tuesday morning. Routine lab tests, x-rays... Am not really scared of needles, but it's never going to be a favorite event either. Surprisingly, after a day, my arm have purple and green marks...and the area got bigger today. Hmm...hurts a bit.

Phone was busy today. Pretty lots of text messages...Mr. Shy Guy even called to tell me he's going to Laguna, then later to Baguio due to a change of plans. More hmmm.

Wanna go home early. Have to finish watching Kim Sam Soon. Doubt if I could stay awake, though. Past nights' been spent partying. I thought after Mo. Nadine's retreat, I would get a little more shut eye. I'm embarrassed that I have to take cat naps in front of my boss during lunchtimes. Can't be helped. If I don't, I'd end up slobbering myself on the gallon of ice cream I'm eating.

Anyways, am leaving for home now. Ciao!

Forgiven, Forgotten...The Youth Ministry

Went to Luke's despedida party last night. He's leaving for Texas, US of A on Friday. I think, despite all that happened, he's still one of my good friends from community.

All's forgiven and forgotten. Sometimes, we'd slip and joke about "our quarrel" but I'd always say that I just got caught in the middle, being friends with them both (the parties involved)...and now, I don't even want to get in between anymore. It was quite stressful because I understand both their situation.

So last night, before we said our final "bon voyage, pakabakit ka dun!" speeches to Luke, we remembered the good old days, and what Luke would miss when he goes abroad.

One of the things I definitely miss, I remember while we were reminiscing last night, was the "gimik" nights after PM and we'd go have dinner and some beers. He he he. As Luke kindly reminded me, I outdrank him several times. I think anyone who could get past the two bottle mark can out-drink Luke.

How time has flown! Now, PM nights are marked with the rush to go home because we have classes the next morning. We've outgrown our naughty (read: ice down my back during a welcome party for Mo. Nadine) ways and our late nights. We've separated ways, with some flying off to other countries in search of greener pastures, others have married and started their own families. The few of us who remained un-attached (ha ha ha!) and committed to our ministries are too busy to tend to the younger sheep. The Youth Ministry is long gone.

So Luke...bon voyage...it's a new chapter in your life (what a cliche!). Pakabait ka dun! Tawag ka lang next week, pag nasa Pinas ka na ulit, dahil na deport ka! Wehehehe.

The Return of the ME

I'm back!!!

But can't post much. The stories would have to wait until tomorrow, when I get my thoughts organized, and I have longer access to the Net. Currently, the whole block where I live has no access to telephone because some freak stole cable lines...as per PLDT. Duh!

So I'm here at the office, even if I'm on official leave, so I can post some stuff which are due today. I was here also yesterday, to take our TPPA exam (which I failed miserably!) and to get my referral for my annual medical exam. Today, I attended choir practice, as well. Later, tonight, would be Mo. Nadine's farewell party. Have to wear Filipiniana attire...wait til you see my pic.. definitely comedy!

So there. I miss blogging.

Forgive and forget. Move on and be happy. Live hard, play hard. Even if my lovelife's on the slump (hahaha), I am currently very happy.

Reflections on Kim Sam Soon

Yehhhheeeyyyy!

Today is my last working day for the week! I'll be on leave tomorrow until Tuesday for the Mo. Nadine retreat and then some rest!

But then again, I may have to report for work on Tuesday to upload some files and attend choir practice. Hmmm...Anyways, at least I'll be able to snuggle in bed until past 6 am. =)

I'm watching Nae Ireum Kim Sam Soon (My Name Is Kim Sam Soon) and it's wonderful. I definitely feel like Sam Soon...a bit overweight and unsure of my career objectives even if I am good at what I do. I laugh at some of her fantasies, but can well identify with her "sentiments". We both have "funny" names we'd like to change, in our late 20s and pressured to marry, and that curly hair!!! Now I know why chingu Louise liked it very much.

It occured to me, as I re-run the episodes in my mind, how forgiving she could be...and maybe that's where I separate myself from her (parang iisa lang kami noh???)I have not been so forgiving of people, even myself...I've let go and moved on, and too fast at that, but I've never really forgiven. The "loves" in my life were remembered with slight bitterness and doubts.

And it's time, maybe, to burn the bridges I've crossed.

Animals

Here are some of my favorite pics of animals. I took them myself! They are soooo cute!

ostrich at the Residence Zoo sa Tagaytay

Si Kim from the same Zoo...at seven months, playful pa rin sya!

Pinatulan to ng ate ko...ng dahil sa isang bracelet

Ay penguin! Ang cute nya! Sa Penguin Show sa Harrison Plaza

Nanay ata ito ni Kim, sa Residence Zoo din...


When a man commits evil, why do we call him "ANIMAL"? Animals kill to eat and survive. They hunt their prey not out of hatred or malice but instict. It is unfair to animals to be likened to humans.

Anger

I'm so angry that I can't think of anything to write about, and yet, all the emotions are there. When I think about it, I want to just get out and look for that man and kick his groin for what he has done to someone I know. Thinking about how helpless and weak we could be adds salt to the injury. That we had to compromise big time to be able to lessen the impact on the victim. That by asking for justice, the victim has to suffer more. It is so blasted unfair!

A little more

A little more patience. Five more days to go. Five more sleepless nights. Just a teeny more bit of aches...and then all will be back to normal- hopefully.

Spent the long weekend, again, working on our TPPA reports, rushing to practices and trying to (note: try) do some house chores now that the laundry is piling up. (I therefore conclude: you wash your clothes, don't iron them, and when you wear them, they iron themselves out after an hour or so..try it!) My thumb and pointing finger are both broken and swelling because of practices.

Yesterday, I went home feeling so tired I just want to curl up and sleep like Rip. Iyos and I were sharing how we'd like to just and stare into space for one hour. As I was walking to church, I was asking God to give me more strength, some more energy just to get to mass. If not for Him, I don't know where I'd draw my strength.

I got so impatient with one of the dancers yesterday, but one thing that kept me going was seeing the rest of the dancers so eager and tireless. I saw how the banner boys put their hearts into what they were doing, that even I don't have the heart to ask them to practice more. I saw how excited the new dancers were with their dresses, the ribbons and their own dances, that my doubts melted.

One thing that I learned from all these (the practice-til-you-drop-dead sessions, P&W-have-modified-yet-again-the-line-up, she's-late-again people) is that I can't judge people by what I see. Sure, we all say "Don't judge a book by it's cover", but I always have this "Stop! No Entry" sign with new people. As I bonded with Meong, Ronald and Randy over keema, shawarma and memory gap-inducing korma last Saturday evening after banner practice, I got to know them better. (Actually, Randy and have been friends for years na, so I was able to share with him my latest kakikayan escapade...naka save on beer!) Nakakatuwa nga si Lolo Meong, eh.

Now, I'm one of the ates of the group. And I feel so proud of my brood.

Of friends and ghosts...down memory lane

There are only two people here at our side of the building...me and PM (Papa Mon, my boss). We'er doing our report for tomorrow's TPPA class, and since I won't be able to attend classes on the 12th, I'm going all out in the preparations...to the point that I'm missing dance practice with the choir.

I miss the choir (P&W). But lately, I'm having second thoughts about pursuing it. For one, I have classes on Saturdays and it's a struggle to be on time for formal lessons with Bro. Rannie. Second, even if I arrive late, I have to catch up and by that time, I'm mighty tired already. Third, I think the dance ministry needs me more. Iyos, too, is trying to balance work, dance and studies, and I want to fulfill my end if just to lighten her burden a bit. I'm beginning to enjoy dancing again, even if at the end of the day, we worry so much about our clothes, making mistakes, my big thighs (hahaha!), our hair. Sometimes, I marvel at how long my thread of patience has become. Now, I am able to wait on tardy people. Can give them a smile, even. I can truly appreciate how hard the new comers are working to catch up. I admire the "banner boys" who are always there, even if they are too tired. I've tried the banners and man! I have to rest my wrists, wrap them up in chili plasters, for two days! I appreciate Mommy Auxie and Uncle Randy...

Fourth...(yes, there's a long list) it's going to be mighty lonely for me at practices, with Giselle flying to the States soon and Paul getting the "out" sign. Giselle is one of my closests friends, in and out of the choir, while Paul is my closest male friend in the community. The reason I bear the long practices well is because I can make chikka with them, and after a while, go have some gimiks. Paul, especially, who never gets pikon even when I call him "B".

I miss my true, old friends. The ones I thought were my friends proved to be...never mind. I've always believed in the golden rule...do unto others blah blah. But I think some believe in just taking...I'm tired of waiting for them, and making excuses for their indifference.

Now, I appreciate my old grade/highschool buddies, my SGS friends, my TEC co-moderators, my chingu Louis. There might be times I'm too busy to be with them, but they always show appreciation for each other's presence. I might be eccentric, loud, weird, funny, mataray, domineering, arrogant, bitchy and impossible to get along with, but they've accepted me the way I am. Thanks, guys, for being such wonderful people.

I'm thinking of going back and visiting old friends...I hope I can contact my CDB/RCBC friends again..(Mama Tess! Erssy cola! Alex! Che and Jamie) my MRT tropa (best friend Jopet, bestfriend Jen, Miriam at kahit na si Dingdong na ...)Mga dating YM ng SGS...Saan na kayong lahat???My college barkada (Liza, George, Aleli, Josette, Eileen, Jen, Jeni...) and ActSci co-geniuses (?? Myra, Mia, Emelyn, She, Erna, Hans and - Rene - kahit sinabihan mo ko na walang people skills)

Now I regret not having enough time for them; regret being too self-preoccupied and snappy. Regret that I didn't want to be makulet, wanting to have so much space to move around. I miss my true friends.

If I sound so dramatic, sorry po. Tao lang. Na-miss ko mag-emote sa CR bago maligo dahil last night, may spiritistang nag punta sa bahay. Though I've always known na may spirits sa bahay, having it confirmed is scary. Kasi dati, feeling ko, baliw lang ako. Pero sabihin bang may third eye ako!? Yikes. At sa lahat naman ng lugar kung saan merong nakalibing na bata, sa may malapit pa sa kwarto ko...sa may bintana ko pa! Kaya pala yung maid, may katabing asin at bigas sa pagtulog...kulang na lang, magsabit ng bawang sa katawan. Fortunately, di naman sila interested magpakita...kaya kanina, instead of acting-acting pa sa harap ng salamin sa CR, diretso ligo na ako. Baka may maki-sabat sa dialogues ko eh.

Mixed Nuts

Am I still alive? I guess so...Hurling myself from the 18th floor seems a bad idea, since I still plan on getting hitched and having a dozen kids in the near future...hehehe. Death by paranoia, madness and stupidity is not a way to go...

Anyway, got a standing date for the first Sunday of December with Mr. Shy Guy. Out of madness, I decided to entertain for a while...I just don't know how to not break his heart. He seem genuinely kind and sincere. But he's just not it. Don't ask me about the "it" part. I'm just so easy to please that at the slightest act of good deed, I keel over. Experience has taught me that it doesn't work that way. No more nice guys for me...Sabi ko nman kasi, dapat sa akin yung siga din!

I think I need a one-month vacation...to Timbuktu or somewhere remote. No cellphones to answer or wait for, no dance to worry about, no dogs to take care of, no work to hassle me, no one who knows or cares a fig about me... I need some growing up.

I'm turning 29 in a few weeks' time. It's going to be 11 years since my debut..my coming of age (suppose to be...) I wish I could turn back time and celebrate YOUTH once more. It's not as complicated when I look at it from my perspective now. Then, I only had to worry about APA showing up for the 17th dance...and the rest of the gang showing up in decent attire! Wahhh! I miss being young. I think I need to go over my diaries tonight...Speaking of which, I still have a promise to fulfill. When APA died five years ago, I promised to "publish" a portion of my diary that featured his life. But I haven't got the time (and courage) to go public with it. Reading it makes me wanna cry all over again. If only...

Baliw...Sino?? Ako! Ako??? Hindi ako Baliw!

At ayun. Panic to the max nung nalaman ko...(yung interesado, paki tanong nalang si Patty!) When I learned about my foolish, stupid, idiotic, bendan mistake...I called up Patty, wanting to cry and laugh and hurl myself out the window. Ha ha at ha. Sobrang stupid mistake, one which could win an award dun sa mga blooper sa mga teen mags. Shocks, talk about miserable fools! Ayt, one's me.

Okay, shut up about that already. Nothing quite beats the sickness than an electric shock, huh?

Anyway, latest developments on Mr. Shy Guy...I think the long road to goodbye is still ahead...but do I really need to say goodbye as in now? Ha ha ha. In fairness, sweet talaga ang totoy.

Latest text nya..."Miz ding, u com 2 my senses everytime i cloze my eyes! we'r so semed so aloaf distant kci, n i hav no guts to talk 2 u personaly! Tinkin of u myx me fel gud. It's admiration maybe. 4give me mis ding?"

Ay yay, mali mali man ang ingles nya (aloaf???of bread?!...) at na ngopya man sya ng text ... still, it's nice to know you're appreciated...Ha ha ha. I can almost hear L.A. Lopez sing "Ikaw ay nagbalik...at muli kang nasilayan...Mag-iodized salt, mag iodized salt, mag iodized salt tayo..." We he. Lukaret na talaga ako. I think. Hmmm...

Speaking of "I Think", my cousin Kaye likes this song from Full House, too. I think there's another Rain/Bi fan in the making. My godchild CD and cousin Aureen also likes Ni Yao De Ai from Meteor Garden. Discovered these facts while listening to my MP3 player as we celebrated All Saints/Souls Day sa cementery. Little CD and Aureen were making up "chinese" lyrics of Ni Yao De Ai. Aureen once insisted on viewing my entire Jerry Yan collection...even listening to Jerry's album. I gave her some of my treasured posters. Jerry honey, if you're reading this, you gotta send me more, okay?

So there. My day's ending, and here's Mr. Shy Guy asking me to forgive him (for the nth time) for admiring a special person such as me. Ang haba ng buhok ng lola nyo...I texted him back, saying "what's to forgive? In truth, nakaka touch nga. It's nice to feel appreciated."...Ayun, basta sorry for admiring me. Sige na nga, ang kaparusahan, pede wag na magsorry??? I have a hunch as to why he suddenly resurrected...One of the dancers, his neighbor/friend, is texting me. Nothing sorta kinda like that (ay yay, pangit pakinggan ang kaartehan), just thanking me for the birthday lunch we girls gave him...basta, sabay sila nag te-text!

Anyway...pagod na ako. Gusto ko na matulog. I'm down and out and feeling so low...Buti nalang, Byron from IT gave me a chocolate treat kapalit ng pang-aasar nya, kaya buhay ang aking senses. Hmm...I think I wanna buy some Energy bars...Ciao!

LOOOOONG WEEKEND

Super long weekend...for those lucky enough.

Me? Nah. Got a one-day rest, which I spent doing our report for TPPA class.

Saturday - classes and practice 'til 10 p.m. Sunday, practice from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday, practice again from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Went to cementery and slept there overnight. Tuesday, grabbed enough sleep to keep awake for the rest of the day. Then bath and off to the vet to get Rajeeve. (He was confined for two days...sob sob sob, missed him so much! - ala Sey ng PBB - YUUUUUUCKKKK!) The whole afternoon was spent reading and typing my notes on fiscal administration (it's not as boring as it sounds) and then ironed some of my clothes (because I don't know where they went, my closets are empty, so is the laundry!)

Anyway, at least I was able to get some rest...even the few hours lying in bed is bliss. =) Got so much on my mind, and it's a treat to be able to just stare at a blank wall and let my thoughts go fly fly fly...

Got a surprise yesterday when Mr. Shy Guy called. I was sleeping and the sound of Noon Eh Kkot (my ringtone) woke me up. Didn't even bother to check who was calling, so I got a shock when I asked who the caller was and it's Mr. Shy Guy. (Incidentally, his name is also J) For the nth time, he apologized for not going to the concert, asked if I was resting, musta mga practices, blah blah. Must have cost him some pretty pennies, compared to his "credit-limited" text messages. Hay naku...di lang pala mga multo nagpaparamdam kapag araw ng patay. Ha ha ha!

Ayun. Boring weekend. The retreat is on 12 - 13 November. Medyo malapit na, and I still hav tons of things to do. Tassels, tamborines, ballet shoes! Hay, I need another 12 hours in a day!