Seduction

It was just as well that the madness stopped. My penchance for excesses, my predeliction for adopting poor, weak and emotionally in-need men would have gotten me deeper into the hell-hole that was both intoxicating and guilt-laden.

I knew once I jump into that hole there would be little way out. I had a thousand excuses, all lame ones, but afforded me reasons to enjoy it for a while. I know it could not last. Should not even start. I don't even have the right to think it. Still, I miss the seduction of the forbidden. As always, man's greatest desire is have that which he can never have. As for my case, the excitement of being with him, as if in secret, was fodder for more. Pretending to be non-chalant when my insides were in turmoil. Spraying on the scent of flirting and hoping he'd pick it up.

Physical intimacy? No. But emotionally, the risks were getting higher. If it wasn't the case, I wouldn't have prayed to God to stop me while I can bear it. I know by myself, I cannot control it. I would react and act the way a starry-eyed romantic would. Just like in the movies, there is no right or wrong for someone in love.

But I was not in-love. I was falling prey to his seduction. How easily! He was all I had wanted in a guy...except he wasn't free.