Friends are telling me to give him the benefit of the doubt. And last night's post-game/gym serious discussion with a colleague and friend Heartbreaker (hehehe!!) cleared up some muddied perceptions.
True to form, I am still as stubborn. But talking with a guy who's "been there, done that" made me realize maybe I'm just over-analyzing things, judging him for a wrongdoing he actually hasn't committed yet. That maybe, as Heartbreaker said, he has no intention of hurting me, nor playing with my feelings. That his confusion came at the wrong time...or that maybe I came at the wrong time.
Someone told me (and confirmed my suspicions) what happened. And while I remained a bit hurt, my heart sympathized (oh no, this is where resolves often melt!) with him. I may not have experienced what he's going through, but I do know the pain of losing someone one loves. So, since I want to be true to my "friendship" oath, I texted him an inspiring message (funny enough, from the other guy, MSG, hahaha!). He didn't reply...But hours later, I saw one missed call notice on my mobile. Talk about misfortunes. Maybe that's just fate's way of saying she was just playing with us...
Now, this is the funny part. When fate takes away your favorite ball, she distracts you with another toy. In this case, two toys. The other one...I'll chalk it up to a friendly lunch date and the other, an old story that should be having an ever after, even if it's not a HAPPY one.
MSG has told me several days ago that he'll be returning to his province next month and would stay there to do the farming and taking care of his sick father. He'll be applying for work abroad next year. So I bid him goodluck and goodbye. Then he asked (begged?) for me to let him fetch me at work and take me home. Just once. So okay, para lang matapos na.
I could name the date and time...and later tonight, I'm worried that I can't let him take me HOME, as in up to our house. There are still bounderies I'm not willing to cross. I hope this would not make him think I'm considering him...I've made myself pretty clear on several occassions. But if tonight really merits it, it might be the night somebody's heart gets broken...and it won't be mine.
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2 comments:
dhing, pity we didnt get the chance to talk... i could have shared something with you which is somewhat similar to your situation (though mine involves more serious stakes)... but you are perfectly right... fate has a way of making up of losses... feel ko yan... just try to detach yourself as much as you can... very difficult, i know, but its for your own good...
i tried to do what you guys advised: just enjoy the moment...but sometimes, my natural tendency to try to grab more ruins my chances...
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