In Defense of Myself

So I blow hot one minute, and cold the other, they may say. I beg to disagree.

Let me get this straight. I'm not playing games. It's not okay with me that he's sending me "feelers". I think he's mistaken my chattiness, my being talkative with some sort of interest, or receptiveness. It's not. If he talks to me, should I stay quiet? Not answer his questions? Try not to laugh at the jokes he seem to so painstakingly collect?

I can't tell him directly that he's not my idea of Mr. Right, because he's not courting me (yet) but I want to nip whatever's next in the bud before IT blossoms into something monstrous and scary. Already, his text messages are getting scary, and I always hate it when they begin to ask me personal questions, what I'm currently doing, my whereabouts, so and so. Who are you, my mother?? I've already told him that the reason I don't reply to his text messages and won't receive his calls is because I am uneasy with them and I don't know how to react.

I don't want to be labeled mayabang, or feeling maganda or whatever. Although it's okay to admire people, and I do sometimes enjoy the bit of attention, but I don't want to be selfish and encourage them (ehem, plenty ba? hahaha) when I have nothing to offer but friendship. And so, hard as it may be, at the slightest innuendo of feeling, I say my harsh no (there's no "break it to me gently", broken is broken, it always hurt). I, too, hurt sometimes, because it also mean losing a friend. But I'd rather lay my cards on the table than be called a flirt , or worse, a tease.

Now, when I've said my piece, and they go on with their little dramas, then it's not my fault anymore. As MSG said, he's happy he's said his feelings, heartbroken afterwards, but grateful for the friendship that I give. Whatever response now to his messages that I send, at least he knows the bounderies.

As for the latest victim, another person to stay away from. More text messages to ignore. Sigh...I'm changing my number soon.