Down and Out Ramblings

I would have thought we'd get the hang of it by now...we'd be pretty smooth-sailing. We'd be familiar with each other's eccentricities and quirks, learn how to cope...forgive and forget.

I'd forgotten men and women's brains operate on different frequencies...

And after enduring yet another "cold shoulder treatment" I closed my eyes and thought..is it going to be this way always?

I need him this time...where is he?

I am feeling ill, down and in need of a hug...where is he?

I was counting on his promises...
I was looking forward to the weekend...
I gave up my schedule to be with him...

Now I sit alone at home. Spent the whole morning nursing an aching head. Endured the prodding of nosy but well-meaning parents. Tried to forget the presence of my cell-phone.

Though we've cleared matters up a bit, I still feel compelled to distance myself from him and let him know how badly he has hurt my feelings, and how badly I want him to suffer for it now. I want to go back my usual way, as well...I've given up a lot of things for the sake of this "relationship" and I miss those things...chatting with faceless people (male or female, without malice or intent), meebo friends meet-up (male and female, without malice or intent again), window shopping at SM before going home...overnight gimik with friends...

I once thought I can still be me, even when with someone else...but a lot of compromises had to be made, and they weren't easy on someone with a complex personality and social life as me...

I wish I could keep things as simple as they used to be...I wish I could make him see that I am not someone he can leave behind and pick up whenever he feels up to it...That, I too, have my moments of desolation, confusion, pain, misery and grouchiness, and I need his comfort, too. That when he throws a tantrum, sometimes, I just get so full of it, I'd decide to match him mood for mood...and it's nothing personal. It's just the way I am.