Galing sa friendster ko...

I'm tired. I'm tired of trying to fix things up, of finding a reason to hold on, of making up excuses to forgive you.

And you seem so clueless to the turmoil there is. So distant and uncaring. I cannot believe your life is so devoid of color that you'd forget i exist. I can't believe that you're too busy to send even just one text. Has everything gone upside down in your world? Where does it leave me now? Outside the circle?

And I hate it. So I've decided to let it go. I've decided to just close my eyes and empty my mind of you, anything that has got to do with you. You've hurt me enough.

I'm tired of reassuring you. I wanted to tell you I will not leave you, even if I'd find more worthy guys...I wanted to tell you're not blocking me from reaching my dreams. I wanted to assure you I will stay. I wanted to tell you we'd overcome our fears together.

But where are you? You won't fight for me. You're just there. Wallowing in your miseries. Living in your silence. I don't even know you anymore. Gone is the man who told me we'd elope if things don't fall into place. Gone is the man who needed just a three-minute call to me before he could sleep. Gone is the man who promised to make me happy. Gone is the man who made me laugh. Gone is the man I chose to care for.

And I miss that man. That person. I loved that man.

I don't care if you read this. I know you won't...not while it's not yet too late. You simply don't care.

Guess what I heard from the radio??

Heart, Don't Change My Mind
(Diane Warren/Robbie Buchanan)

We said we'd try again
But trying's not enough
Acting like strangers
Ain't no way of making love
It's never gonna work
It's time we stop pretending
It's time to turn the page
All stories need an ending

It makes no sense to stay
Livin' my life in yesterday
I'm leaving, I'm leaving
And I'm begging you

Heart, don't change my mind
Oh, heart be strong this time and try
To help me tell him goodbye
It'll only bring pain for us to stay
Oh, heart it's hard for you I know
Let me, let him go

Don't let me think about
How good it was before
I know you'd try anything
To keep me from that door
It's hard to leave him
When you've loved him for so long now
How can I walk away
If you're still holding on now?
I've finally found the strength
Look at me, I can finally say
It's over, it's over
So, I'm begging you

Heart, don't change my mind
Oh, heart be strong this time and try
To help me tell him goodbye
It'll only bring pain for us to stay
Oh, heart it's hard for you I know
Let me, let him go

It makes no sense to stay
Sad that it has to end this way
It's over, it's over

Heart, don't change my mind
Oh, heart be strong this time and try
To help me tell him goodbye
It'll only bring pain for us to stay
Oh, heart it's hard for you I know
Let me, let him go
Heart, don't change my mind
Oh, heart it's hard for you I know
Let me, let him go
Let me, let him go

Not But

Sometimes it's

Not setting free but pushing away
Not Selflessness but insecurity
Not a promise but an attempt
Not love but need

And if we could just be honest with ourselves and with each other, we'd know what to do. It's been long in the making now, and maybe it's time to finally pick the card. We both know what it is. It's the only option there is. It's called goodbye.

What happened last night?

I dont want to talk about it anymore. I slept badly, angry at you and thumping my head for being such a fool; and I woke up remembering the anger still, which followed me in my dream. Even if you said it out of love, or tenderness, or selflessness, whatever its purpose was, you still cut me. So maybe instead of asking you why, I should have just said Hurrah and introduced you to your fears.

Status Quo

The fault, too, is mine, I admit.
I read too much on the silence.
But only because its author was unknown to me.

So he still is mine...or was he ever mine?
His thoughts are his alone
As his heart

Still nothing has to change
My decision stands
We are both free

Short

Save me from my self
Remove my misery
Dry away my tears
Erase my memory

-------------

He's gone. Just like that. Snap. And that's it.