Advices from the Dr. Love(s):
Take it one day at a time.
Don't assume anything.
Just enjoy the moment.
I am definitely on tiptoes.
*Kilig*
Toink, toink, toink.
Can't even think straight.
Sleepless, but surprisily perky this morning.
No coffee, thanks. I can manage.
I am still scared. Hell, it's Phase II of my roller coaster emotions. I hope I don't get weary of the feelings before the game is over...
Breathe in...and out....In....and out...In... and out.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Wearing My Heart on My Sleeve...
Confused. Again. For the nth time.
I'm again before a quicksand with my desires just across...
I hope it's not history repeating itself.
It's become so redundant
I want to give my heart a rest -
But also a chance
It's too early to tell
But shouldn't we all grab at that once-in-a-lifetime
Though we're never sure if it really is the one?
I can't take a backseat and wait
Knowing that my happiness, however fleeting,
Is at stake
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Sad Goodbyes
Randy is leaving today for the US. We won't be seeing each other for a long long long time. *sob sob sob*. I'm happy for him, because this is dream come true for him. But he surely is a loss to our community. His passion for service, his dedication and his "elderly" advice would surely be missed.
Saying goodbyes are not my forte. It's funny. Even in my youth, when dad was working abroad, my sisters would be crying a river at the airport, saying goodbye to dad. While I had this funny feeling in my tummy, wondering why they were crying so when it's just a temporary goodbye and we'll be seeing each other again. I'd often ask myself if my heart is made of tougher material than stone since I feel numb during partings. It's like some part of me rejects the idea of sad goodbyes...I am more easily moved to tears when play-acting in front of a mirror than saying goodbye in person.
Or perhaps, that's just self-defense kicking in. Mebbe.
So farewell, my friend. It's a cliche to say, but I'll truly miss you. I thank you for the friendship, even if at times we hurt each other. I'll miss your sermons, yes kahit na nakakatulugan ko yan sa phone.
If there are goodbyes, there are hellos. One good smile to start the day. =) Can't tell much about it yet, baka maudlot.
Saying goodbyes are not my forte. It's funny. Even in my youth, when dad was working abroad, my sisters would be crying a river at the airport, saying goodbye to dad. While I had this funny feeling in my tummy, wondering why they were crying so when it's just a temporary goodbye and we'll be seeing each other again. I'd often ask myself if my heart is made of tougher material than stone since I feel numb during partings. It's like some part of me rejects the idea of sad goodbyes...I am more easily moved to tears when play-acting in front of a mirror than saying goodbye in person.
Or perhaps, that's just self-defense kicking in. Mebbe.
So farewell, my friend. It's a cliche to say, but I'll truly miss you. I thank you for the friendship, even if at times we hurt each other. I'll miss your sermons, yes kahit na nakakatulugan ko yan sa phone.
If there are goodbyes, there are hellos. One good smile to start the day. =) Can't tell much about it yet, baka maudlot.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Windang Pa Rin
I'm still crazily spinning in my own spot. *Sigh*
Mondays and Wednesdays, I've committed myself to following a rigorous, [parusa] training program that aims to reduce my body fat and make me a total goddess. Hahaha. As if! It is really an agony, but which my body craves (mala masochist). I truly missed dieting and work-out sessions.
I started my training program under McB (Macbeth? Macabebe? His name is "funnier" than mine) and when he asked me if I was up to it, I told him "I'd curse you, cry and beg you for mercy but that's just me loving it." My Day 1 sched consists of cardio (I have to burn 300 cals first) then stretching, then weights then abdominals. My body is still screaming bloody hell everytime I use my arms. My abs and thighs are stronger than the rest of my body and I can run for miles and do 300 crunches without next-day-litanies.
Anyway, being a newbie at the gym, I'm still making chikka with the trainors. Imagine my surprise when McB told me he tried calling me up, and when he gave the operator my name (the first two - thinking the other was my surname) , the operator told him "Sir, ****** na sya ngayon". He thought I got married over the course of two days.
Aside from exercise, the brouhaha for the week was our MMPA class...specifically, our newly elected Prez, Madame Garbage Collector. To explain the name: She called some of our classmates (her groupmates) "basura" (garbage) during one class open forum (which I missed because of badminton with Randy, Paul and Miong). In that same forum, Madame Garbage Collector (MGC) or MMDA or Garbage Mouth was voted Class President - the irony of it all - for poetic justice. I don't know what my classmates were thinking, but MGC now goes around feeling like she has this crown on her head and we must all curtsy in her august presence. Duh.
Today, Jed and I went on leave to submit our documents to get our Korean visa. Despite the moolah indicated in my bank certificates, I'm kinda worried because the girl in the window returned a copy of my ITR without so much as a word. It just dawned on me that she returned some of Jed's documents because they were photocopies. Eeeehhhh! I hope they call me to tell me if I need to present another document rather than stamping REJECTED all over my dreams.
I'm still discerning (well, trying to) if I should push through with the trip even if it means being away on Holy Week and missing Easter Sunday. I have guilty feelings about this, so I asked the Lord if He wasnt me to go or not. Well, I'd definitely push through if I get my visa, but if the Lord wants me to postpone it for a later date, I'm willing.
Also, Jed would be going to HongKong on official trip on the 11th and 12th of April, so our April 11-15 plans are going to have a slight change. I'm planning to go to HK as well, so we could still go to Korea together...
So what else...teedeedum. Oh yeah. MSG. So far, still there. The current apple of the eye is now Piolo, who looks too good even when sightless, on prime time TV.
Mondays and Wednesdays, I've committed myself to following a rigorous, [parusa] training program that aims to reduce my body fat and make me a total goddess. Hahaha. As if! It is really an agony, but which my body craves (mala masochist). I truly missed dieting and work-out sessions.
I started my training program under McB (Macbeth? Macabebe? His name is "funnier" than mine) and when he asked me if I was up to it, I told him "I'd curse you, cry and beg you for mercy but that's just me loving it." My Day 1 sched consists of cardio (I have to burn 300 cals first) then stretching, then weights then abdominals. My body is still screaming bloody hell everytime I use my arms. My abs and thighs are stronger than the rest of my body and I can run for miles and do 300 crunches without next-day-litanies.
Anyway, being a newbie at the gym, I'm still making chikka with the trainors. Imagine my surprise when McB told me he tried calling me up, and when he gave the operator my name (the first two - thinking the other was my surname) , the operator told him "Sir, ****** na sya ngayon". He thought I got married over the course of two days.
Aside from exercise, the brouhaha for the week was our MMPA class...specifically, our newly elected Prez, Madame Garbage Collector. To explain the name: She called some of our classmates (her groupmates) "basura" (garbage) during one class open forum (which I missed because of badminton with Randy, Paul and Miong). In that same forum, Madame Garbage Collector (MGC) or MMDA or Garbage Mouth was voted Class President - the irony of it all - for poetic justice. I don't know what my classmates were thinking, but MGC now goes around feeling like she has this crown on her head and we must all curtsy in her august presence. Duh.
Today, Jed and I went on leave to submit our documents to get our Korean visa. Despite the moolah indicated in my bank certificates, I'm kinda worried because the girl in the window returned a copy of my ITR without so much as a word. It just dawned on me that she returned some of Jed's documents because they were photocopies. Eeeehhhh! I hope they call me to tell me if I need to present another document rather than stamping REJECTED all over my dreams.
I'm still discerning (well, trying to) if I should push through with the trip even if it means being away on Holy Week and missing Easter Sunday. I have guilty feelings about this, so I asked the Lord if He wasnt me to go or not. Well, I'd definitely push through if I get my visa, but if the Lord wants me to postpone it for a later date, I'm willing.
Also, Jed would be going to HongKong on official trip on the 11th and 12th of April, so our April 11-15 plans are going to have a slight change. I'm planning to go to HK as well, so we could still go to Korea together...
So what else...teedeedum. Oh yeah. MSG. So far, still there. The current apple of the eye is now Piolo, who looks too good even when sightless, on prime time TV.
Friday, March 03, 2006
Dahil matagal na di nakapag blog...
Since my blogging has been reduced to a weekly task..hmm, what have I been up to these past few days?
February 24 - served during LSS Batch 33. Was able to join the rest of the dancers in a new choreo of I Love to be in Your Presence. Missed dancing.
February 25 - No classes. Now, this was a big issue on Friday, since the "class consensus" about cancelling class didn't actually happen. I got pretty irked at some not so nice classmates who couldn't bring themselves to admit that they are not ready for their class reports that's why they wanted to cancel class - gamitin pang excuse ang P1017. Hmmmppphhh! Anyway, this gave me an opportunity to serve Saturday at the LSS. Wala naman ginawa, actually, since I had already begged off previously. So I sat lazy the whole day, except after lunch, when some of us had to lead in the action songs.
February 26 - VERY MEMORABLE DAY??? hmmm. LSS was LSS. Randy, Iyos, Paul and I agreed to watch Close to You (in support of Paul who is Sam Milby-lbil in real life). Randy invited everyone he could, and yes, even Mr. Shy Guy. Made a bet with Uncle Randy that MSG would not dare go, but surprisingly, after a lot of persuation from Randy, he did tagged along. Con and Marc and Paul's sis, Camille tagged along, too. Can't remember much what else happened, but MSG and I were the center of the ribbings...of course. Inside the theatre, I made it a point to sit in a neutral place...nearest the aisle, beside Iyos. Haha.
Randy insisted MSG would accompany me home, but I just shrugged it off. He lives the opposite way and probably doesn't have enough money for fare (masyado na ba akong matapobre???) But well, since none of my predictions for that day was accurate, when I boarded a jeep, he jumped in as well.
If you're going to ask what we talked about...the following pretty much sums it up:
Me: Wag mo na akong ihatid...wag ka magpabuyo sa kanila.
MSG:
Me: Ano?
MSG:
Me: Takot ka ba sa amin? Makukulet lang kami? Di ka kasi nagsasalita...
MSG:
Me: Ano???
The whole trip was an echo of Ano? If ever he spoke, I couldn't hear him above the din of street, human and vehicle noise. After a while, we just sat there in silence. When we got off at Welcome, I told him I could take care f myself from there...He backed off and I merrily hopped in another jeep.
If I had hoped that my natural "antipatika", loud and snobbish ways would turn him off, was I in for a surprise! The next day (and to this day) he professes to really admire me...that I am the most beautiful woman he has ever met (well, I couldn't agree more...hahaha!)...that he wish we could go out, just the two of us, that he doesn't expect anything since he knows we're worlds apart. He has asked for my land line, but I pretended not to have received the text. I replied to one of his SMS: A friend is a treasure. Gud PM.
His take on it? So hanggang friends na lang tayo??? Blah blah, but that he'll continue to treasure me blah blah.
While it gives me a warm feeling to be admired, I really feel guilty that I cannot even treat him as a good friend. Knowing that he has feelings for me makes it a little awkward for me to be around him. Uncle has been insisting I date the poor lad, if only out of respect for his feelings. Uncle has also suggested I give my landline and let the guy court me at home, meet my parents and all. He even has the entire story scripted...o di ba? Just to end with "break it to him gently"...
THERE IS NO BREAKING IT GENTLY. Broken is broken, there is no gentle way of doing it.
What I can do is be nice to him. There is no harm in what he's doing, and though I feel slightly guilty that I might be leading him on, I sometimes try to be friendly. I've been in his shoes...and I never want to be in it again.
February 24 - served during LSS Batch 33. Was able to join the rest of the dancers in a new choreo of I Love to be in Your Presence. Missed dancing.
February 25 - No classes. Now, this was a big issue on Friday, since the "class consensus" about cancelling class didn't actually happen. I got pretty irked at some not so nice classmates who couldn't bring themselves to admit that they are not ready for their class reports that's why they wanted to cancel class - gamitin pang excuse ang P1017. Hmmmppphhh! Anyway, this gave me an opportunity to serve Saturday at the LSS. Wala naman ginawa, actually, since I had already begged off previously. So I sat lazy the whole day, except after lunch, when some of us had to lead in the action songs.
February 26 - VERY MEMORABLE DAY??? hmmm. LSS was LSS. Randy, Iyos, Paul and I agreed to watch Close to You (in support of Paul who is Sam Milby-lbil in real life). Randy invited everyone he could, and yes, even Mr. Shy Guy. Made a bet with Uncle Randy that MSG would not dare go, but surprisingly, after a lot of persuation from Randy, he did tagged along. Con and Marc and Paul's sis, Camille tagged along, too. Can't remember much what else happened, but MSG and I were the center of the ribbings...of course. Inside the theatre, I made it a point to sit in a neutral place...nearest the aisle, beside Iyos. Haha.
Randy insisted MSG would accompany me home, but I just shrugged it off. He lives the opposite way and probably doesn't have enough money for fare (masyado na ba akong matapobre???) But well, since none of my predictions for that day was accurate, when I boarded a jeep, he jumped in as well.
If you're going to ask what we talked about...the following pretty much sums it up:
Me: Wag mo na akong ihatid...wag ka magpabuyo sa kanila.
MSG:
Me: Ano?
MSG:
Me: Takot ka ba sa amin? Makukulet lang kami? Di ka kasi nagsasalita...
MSG:
Me: Ano???
The whole trip was an echo of Ano? If ever he spoke, I couldn't hear him above the din of street, human and vehicle noise. After a while, we just sat there in silence. When we got off at Welcome, I told him I could take care f myself from there...He backed off and I merrily hopped in another jeep.
If I had hoped that my natural "antipatika", loud and snobbish ways would turn him off, was I in for a surprise! The next day (and to this day) he professes to really admire me...that I am the most beautiful woman he has ever met (well, I couldn't agree more...hahaha!)...that he wish we could go out, just the two of us, that he doesn't expect anything since he knows we're worlds apart. He has asked for my land line, but I pretended not to have received the text. I replied to one of his SMS: A friend is a treasure. Gud PM.
His take on it? So hanggang friends na lang tayo??? Blah blah, but that he'll continue to treasure me blah blah.
While it gives me a warm feeling to be admired, I really feel guilty that I cannot even treat him as a good friend. Knowing that he has feelings for me makes it a little awkward for me to be around him. Uncle has been insisting I date the poor lad, if only out of respect for his feelings. Uncle has also suggested I give my landline and let the guy court me at home, meet my parents and all. He even has the entire story scripted...o di ba? Just to end with "break it to him gently"...
THERE IS NO BREAKING IT GENTLY. Broken is broken, there is no gentle way of doing it.
What I can do is be nice to him. There is no harm in what he's doing, and though I feel slightly guilty that I might be leading him on, I sometimes try to be friendly. I've been in his shoes...and I never want to be in it again.
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